Outrageous! (NSFW)

It’s not very often that I am outraged into silence.  In fact, Outrage and I are old friends. Our get-togethers are spontaneous.  Just last week during one of my training runs in eighty-degree heat I spotted numerous other runners with their canine companions.  While such a sight would ordinarily turn my bitter, black, little heart to mush, the sight of faithful but overheated dogs with tongues touching the ground vainly trying to keep up with their oblivious owners made me angry. Before I knew it, Outrage decided to join me on my run.  She’s very outspoken and often after she unleashes her vitriol on the deserving imbecile, I slink away wishing that she had more tact.  But this time, when I saw a beautiful Chocolate Lab stumble to the ground with his eyes rolled back into his head, I let Outrage have her way.  Running over to the poor creature (taking two nanoseconds to stop my Nike Sports Band – hey!  I’m in training!) I doused his head and neck with water from my water bottle.  I poured more water on his chest and belly and called for other runners to immediately hand over their water as his owner stood by dumbfounded and useless.  While I channeled my inner St. Francis and Florence Nightingale, Outrage channeled nothing.  She has no inner bitch to channel.  She’s all bitch and all business.  Outrage gave the owner an earful about heat, running, dogs, selfishness and stupidity. 

As I handed the owner a half-empty water bottle so that I could put my ear against her dog’s chest to make sure he was still breathing she actually tried to take a sip of water.  Outrage put the kibosh on that,“Put that down!  That is not for you, you ignorant twat!  That’s for your dog!” The ignorant twat complied.

With a stern warning that the dog needed to get to the vet pronto because he was still in danger from heat stroke and a threat that if she ever saw the owner running with that dog and no water she would report her for animal cruelty (Outrage got the dog’s license number off his tag), Outrage let the humbled and embarrassed owner go on her way.  I stopped Outrage in time to prevent her from slapping the dumb bitch upside the head.  Outrage sputtered and griped through the next half-hour of the run and then just as quickly as she appeared, she was gone.  It was a beautiful day, a great run, and Mr. Dingo had promised that when I got home I was in for one of his incredible massages to ease my aching joints and muscles.

So this week has been somewhat of a surprise to me.  Outrage has been by my side but she has been silent.  Sure there have been things that have pissed me off this week.  The clusterfuck that was the first week of school, the fact that our power went out on Saturday afternoon and neither the landlord or the super contacted us until THIS MORNING! come to mind immediately.  But the truly outrageous happenings have had me walking around in a fog.  I didn’t want to write.  I couldn’t sleep.  Reading, with my mind and emotions in turmoil, was futile.  And what has Outrage been doing?  She’s been wringing her hands.  She’s been saying that nothing will, or can change, there’s nothing we can do, blah, blah, blah, blah.  She’s been a great big whining pussy.

I’m sure you have been outraged this past week as well, right?  Surely, the criminalization of dissent that occurred in St. Paul has you frothing at the mouth.  You don’t know what I’m talking about?  I don’t blame you.  The mainstream media has been sickeningly silent on the unwarranted and often warrantless raids leading up to the Republican National Convention.  Other bloggers have written about it in great detail and I urge you Google and to read about American citizens (including the elderly and the very young) peacefully exercising their right to dissent and being hauled away in handcuffs, unreasonably detained, and in at least one case tear-gassed by the KGB Gestapo St. Paul police force.  Allegations that the police are lying about the items found in the protesters homes and vehicles are making the rounds of the blogs but not CNN, FoxNews, or my local networks.  What?  The police lie?  You mean like how the police brutally injured a Critical Mass rider (yes, they are annoying and a pain in the ass, but still) stating that the cyclist tried to run him down until video aired showing that the cyclist was blindsided by the policeman? You mean those kinds of lies? What can you expect when our highest penal authority lies about weapons of mass destruction?  Yes, “penal” still makes me giggle like a fourth grader but what doesn’t make me giggle is that our highest penal authority is a real dick. 

The mainstream media doesn’t have the balls to air the violations of our right to protest and the independent media has been prevented from doing so.

But should we be surprised?  We’ve condoned torture, kidnapping, and unlawful imprisonment.  We’ve authorized unlawful wire taps, denied people the right to confront their accusers and we’ve made a sham of our Constitution.  Outrage doesn’t know where to direct her rage.  How can you bitch slap the violation of our principles when those violating those very principles are the same ones who took an oath to protect them?

All this outrage with no outlet has made me tired.  Outrage is begging me to turn on the TV, tune into something trashy and mindless, and drop out of this whole mess.  She doesn’t have the energy to muster pointed, snarky responses about McCain and Palin’s convenient use of choice as it applies to real or hypothetical unplanned pregnancies in their families as they deny choices to everyone else.  She doesn’t have the energy to gnash her teeth at McCain’s obvious disdain for women and his belief that we will vote for anyone with a va-jay-jay.  By the way, if you are voting for Palin because she has a va-jay-jay and you wanted Hillary Clinton in office you need to do your homework.  Sarah Palin is no Hillary Clinton.  If you vote with your va-jay-jay mark the date on your calendar because if anti-choice, anti-gay, anti-equal pay, anti-marriage equality McCain and Palin are in office, they will do their damnedest to make sure that your va-jay-jay vote is the last thing that you ever do that doesn’t require the approval of some white male.

I’d better go.  Outrage is getting nervous.  She keeps thinking that she hears jack-booted thugs coming up the steps to the apartment.  Hell, she may be right.  So, if you don’t hear from me again my dear Innernetz, I will send you a postcard from Gitmo.  And remember, don’t take your dogs running in hot weather.  Because if I find out that you do, after my waterboarding for being a subversive – which, since Bush and McCain don’t consider it torture, I must assume it’s one of the many luxurious spa treatments offered to political prisoners – Outrage and I will hunt you down and bitch slap you.

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