Now, Honestly!

I know most of you are going to scroll down to the end just to see who won the Dan Aykroyd wine giveaway.  Just make sure you come back up here and read the rest of the post because I talk all about me!

One year ago today, As I Was Saying was born.  What started out as a writing blog where I could wax eloquent about my thoughts and my life turned into a blog where I write about waxing.  And hair cuts, clueless students, weird running companions, and other odd people in my life.  It’s been fun and at times cathartic.  But the best thing about blogging has been (everyone get your hankies out) meeting you, Innernetz.  Thanks for sticking around.  Thanks for your comments and emails.  Thanks for your support and encouragement.  And, when I needed to hear it, thanks for telling me to “Shut the fuck up already!  You think you have it so hard? There are starving children in Africa and moose running from rabid-incoherent-VP-wannabe-hockey-moms-with-high-powered-rifles-in-helicopters who have real problems!” So, yeah, thanks for that. Keep on keepin’ it real, Innernetz!

It’s been a great good interesting year overall, but it has been a fabulous year of blogging.  I’ve won quite a few awards including some I have not mentioned yet.  I was recently listed at Blogtrepenuer as one of the 100 Must Read Blogs . . . Written by Women!  I’m excited!  Thrilled!  Honored!  There are some great blogs on the list in several categories so pop over there and check them out.

And April at It’s All About Balance has also given me some cyberbling — the Honest Scrap Award.  You know how I feel about honesty.  It’s always the best policy if you don’t think you can get away with lying.  We’re supposed to list ten honest things about ourselves but I’m only going to list two.

• My poop is green.  Yes, green.  Remember my ode to Mr. Dingo’s Red Velvet Cake?  Alas, it was not to be.  I searched the entire grocery store for red food coloring.  All they had was blue.  There was an entire shelf devoted to blue food coloring.  I suppose it’s the overstock from all the Obama baking.  But really, they need to stock the red now.  Can’t we all just get along?

So, Blue Velvet it was.  Except that when we poured the blue food coloring into the cake batter, it turned green.  Not pretty Spring time green.  No, this was someone-left-the-cheese-in-the-fridge-too-long green.  It was Shrek with food poisoning green.  But the cake was good and the frosting was heavenly.  And I ate half of it in one night.  The next morning my poop was green.  I asked Mr. Dingo to come look but he wouldn’t.  I then asked him if his poop was green.  He said that he hadn’t checked but since he only had one slice to my ten, his poop probably wasn’t green.  Do people poop red after eating Red Velvet Cake?  You just know that someone somewhere is receiving a government grant to research just this issue.

Hmmm, maybe this is one of those stories where I should’ve lied.  Mr. Dingo made Red Velvet Cake.  It was good.  The end. 

• I dumpster dive in my own trash.  Remember my stinky shoes?  Innernetz, when your shoes are in the bedroom closet and you can smell them in the living room, it’s time to throw them away.  So I did.  Days passed.  It rained.  It snowed.  I wore boots.  And then…then, the sun came out.  The clouds parted, flowers bloomed, children laughed, and angels sang.  And I didn’t have appropriate too-warm-for-boots-not-yet-warm-enough-for-flip-flops footwear.  What’s a Dingo to do?! 

I’ll tell you what she does, she rummages to the bottom of the trash and takes her stinky shoes from under layers of funk, egg shells, and coffee grinds.  Perfect!  I don’t even think they stink anymore.  The competing offensive aromas canceled each other out and all I smell is, well, nothing.  Dingo Girl has been acting odd, however. When I take my good as new old shoes off, Dingo Girl immediately tries to bury them or rolls on them with squeaks and groans of ecstasy.  She does the same thing when we’re at the park and she finds a three-day dead pigeon.  She’s just weird like that.

So, those are my two Honest Scrap offerings.  After those two, I can’t imagine that you’d want to know any more. 

And now, what you’ve all been waiting for….the winner of the I’m a Bitch, You’re a Lush Giveaway…..The Coconut Diaries!  This was her winning foot-in-mouth anecdote:

Me: I hate taking aerobics classes with these college students. I feel so old!
Lady: I know what you mean. (uncomfortable silence). You know, I was really excited about Obama’s win. It’s like the first time I can remember being so moved by a president.
Me:  Really? Even more than Kennedy?
Lady: Well, I was 3 then.

That just cracked me up.  Coconut Diaries, I’m surprised you didn’t show her some of your own high-impact moves.

Shelly certainly gets an honorable mention for:

As a 20 yr old, working at her first Big Girl job, I was a bookkeeper, office ‘girl’/apartment/duplex manager for a construction guy.
There was this lady who has all sorts of personal problems that was going to move out of a duplex.  A second lady wanted said duplex.  I called Lady #1 to get the scoop of her time frames (of moving out) and got the latest tale of woe about her divorce and I am certain other devastation in her life.  I proceeded to call lady #2 to tell her that she couldn’t have the duplex for a while...and immaturely recounted EVERY DETAIL of this poor lady #1’s dismal life.......being all cute and gossipy, you know?
As it turned out, my airheaded 20 year old self actually dialed the FIRST number on my list (which belonged to lady #1) and of course her name was next to the number so unthinkingly I asked for her....and recounted her OWN SORRY LIFE BACK TO HER........yea...so much for cute and gossipy. 

Thanks to everyone for participating!  Please drink to another year of As I Was Saying and to good friends, good food, and green poop.

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