B-A-N-A-N-A-S!
Oh, the busy life of Dingo. One of the perks of not living in the real world is that I get a month off for Winter Break. An entire month! Unpaid, of course, but who needs money when I can live on love Ramen Noodles? I know, I know, Innernetz, you are thinking, “Bitch gets a month off and can’t bring her ass to post more often!” There’s a reason for that, Innernetz. I’ve been terribly busy. Please read that last line with a British accent. No really, do it. Out loud. I don’t care if the person in the office next to you can hear you. I think they’d be impressed that not only are you terribly busy but that you also know a foreign language!
So, what have I been doing you ask?
• I finally got around to organizing my cookbook. That took all of two minutes. I basically have two categories: Soup. Sandwiches. I make awesome soup. I’m still working on the sandwiches.
• I went to the school at least five times to make-sure-they-got-my-thesis-and-why-haven’t-I-received-any graduation-information-yet-oh-my-god-what-if there’s-a-mistake-and-I-still-need-to-take-another-class-oh-look-someone-left-donuts-in-the-staff-lounge!
• The apartment is finally clean. Well, except for the bedroom. Apparently, the people who built our apartment back in the days when people weren’t expected to live past their 30’s obviously counted on tenants not living long enough to notice that there were no closets. So we have piles of things, stacks of stuff, and mounds of madness just waiting to trip me when I get up in the middle of the night to pee. The Cougar is coming to visit in a few weeks and I’m hoping that in a fit of nostalgia for my teenage years, she’ll clean my bedroom for me. Maybe if I play Duran Duran and wear friendship bracelets and parachute pants, she will automatically start sorting and folding in a Pavlonian response. Then again, she could just ground me until my room is clean.
• Sleep. ‘Nuff said.
But best of all, Innernetz, I found a place to cut my hair. Yes, I went and got my hur did. It has been months since my last hair cut and I’m still having post traumatic flashbacks. My previous hairstylist was apparently also fan of the 80’s because I walked out of the salon looking like an extra in a hair band rock video. So, I took a day off from eating bon-bons and having our cabana boy feed me grapes to interview a couple of hairstylists. Yes, I interviewed them. I asked them questions and asked to see their book/portfolio. Most of the stylists I spoke to were quite willing to talk about themselves and their work. I crossed the ones that talked too much off my list. I don’t care how good you are, I don’t want a chatty stylist. You should be channeling that energy into making me look gorgeous. The ones that looked at me as if I were crazy and refused to talk were not only crossed off my list but I left a big red X on the sidewalk in front of their salon as a warning to others. Okay, I didn’t really do that last part, but I’m sure if I had, curly-haired women citywide would thank me. And maybe even throw me a party.
I also eliminated stylists who charged for consultations. Charging someone a fee to take a look at your hair and the six inch stack of movie star photos you’ve brought in as references is ridiculous. Some of the salons say that the consultation fee will be deducted from your salon service. But what if you decide not to get your hair cut with them? What if you pay your consultation fee and then they bring Bobo the Monkey out to play with your hair? Although, thanks to my Discovery Channel obsession, I know that monkey’s are meticulous groomers, I just don’t have a purse big enough to carry around enough bananas to properly tip.
But I did find one stylist who met my exacting standards and yesterday was my date with destiny. She was amazing. After she was done cutting and styling my hair, I wanted to roll over and have a cigarette. Walking home from the salon, I stopped at my corner deli to pick up something to eat. I hadn’t seen the woman behind the counter in almost a month but when she noticed me her eyes got big and she rushed right over. I was prepared to preen and bask in hair admiration. She leaned across the counter, “I haven’t seen you in ages! You look different!” I smiled, “I do?!”
“Yes,” she said, “Did you gain weight?”
Posted on Friday, January 09, 2009 at 11:29 AM.
Tags: La Vida Loca, Undomestic Diva
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Comments & Trackbacks
Oh no she DI-INT! I love a good haircut. I need one, too. LMAO at “I got my hur did.” Our break was only 2 weeks and fairly lame. I need a month, for sure.
Charge for consultations? That seems insane. Although, I only get my hair cut once a year, if that.
Probably because I still don’t have one I *love.*
I need to change professions so I have a month, too. Love the did oyu gain weight comment! And the whole hair thing, I don’t know. I got a gift cert to get mine cut ans styled for Christmas, ans I just can’t decide. So I am not doing anything.
Anyone who ever utters the phrase “Did you gain weight?” should be immediately locked up away from the public. That is never, EVER an appropriate question.
I got my hair cut a few weeks before the San Francisco Fiasco. I am now questioning if the lack of long, luxurious locks was part of the issue… So congrats to you on finding a good stylist!
Oh geez. Just what you wanted to hear after doing so much research into looking great with a fabulous haircut.
Just to clarify - are you saying that you’re NOT supposed to tip with bananas unless your hair’s being done by a monkey?
:SNORT: Ok, so when I first started reading I looked up at the picture and wondered if that was your abode. I wondered why you chose desks and funny office chairs instead of couches and armchairs for your living room, but hey, to each his own and far be it from me to judge. My living room is decorated to look exactly like you’ve stepped back into the ‘50s so if you want to go for the, uh, industrial office look then you go girl! But then I read about the hair appointment and looked at the picture again and realized it was of a hair salon. Give me a break, I’m new here and still uncertain if there is any reality depicted in your cool illustrations. Anywho...when peole ask you where you got your hur did, you can do a little shimmy, point, and say, “Right thur, right thur!”
I wouldn’t let that monkey near my head. His hair looks pretty fucked up.
I need a haircut. It’s not something I think about in winter, though, kind of like not shaving my legs. I think it’s an irrational response to the stupid fucking cold; the more hair I have, the warmer I feel? I’m not sure it works that way, but that’s my theory and I’m sticking to it.
I had grilled cheese for lunch - homemade roasted garlic bread sandwiching just a little too much fresh mozzarella cheese. Mmmmmm....
Okay, obviously as another curly girl, I have to ask: Where did you go and who did you see?!
jane — Oh, yes she did! I am sure that I will piss away this month and then next month I will think of all the things I wanted to do with this time.
Rachel — Most places don’t charge for consultations but occasionally I will find a place that does. It just doesn’t make sense. I certainly do not want Bobo the monkey to cut my hur.
Kori — I think you should take a poll and have your readers decide what you should do with your hair. I vote for a faux-hawk.
MsDarkstar — I think as long as you didn’t look like the monkey in the picture, your hair was fine. As for the San Francisco Fiasco, you didn’t happen to ask the interviewer if she had gained weight, did you?
Tova Darling — No bananas unless it’s a monkey. If your stylist is an ass, carrots are appropriate.
Jules — Just picturing the shimmy and the “Right Thur!” has me cracking up!
saratogajean — I know, right? Getting your hair cut from someone who looks like they stick theirs in a food processor and lets ‘er rip is never a good idea.
Mrs. Chili I think your theory has some merit. I think your lunch sounds even better!
stealthnerd — Her name is Jackie and I love her. I’ll email her contact info. I am going to marry her and have her curly headed babies. And she will do their hair while our cabana boy feeds me grapes. Mr. Dingo is okay with this if it will keep me from whining about my hair.
I ask you: who asks that? Ridic. I’ve had it in the back of my mind to organize all those recipes I’ve printed from the internet and made once or nonce. I’d like to get on that, but without the unpaid month of work, please.
Never thought of interviewing stylists, etc.- great idea! You’ve got ovaries! 
I am a big fan of your blog. I hope one day mine (http://scottstipoftheday.blogspot.com) is nearly as successful as yours is
I think you should find a new deli. People aren’t supposed to ask you if you’ve gained weight.
Did it take long for the police to call justifiable homicide after you shoved your left over bananas down her throat? (the deli woman, that is)
Noelle — And she was soooo excited to ask me that question! I suppose this time off is called “Free” time. I’m doing it for free.
Reagan — After years of wrong haircuts, I finally know what questions to ask. The fine line is telling them what you want without telling them how to do their job.
Scott — Hi Scott. I’m glad you like my blog, but more importantly, do you like my hair?
Megkathleen — I know! I was kinda deflated. And came home and ate M&Ms;.
Shania — I lost, but my case is now on a-peel! Ha! I crack myself up!!
Maybe that was the deli woman’s way of saying “have you been cheating on me?!”
Her: Did you gain weight?
You: NO, but you’re about to gain about 2 pounds of fist in the face, 3 pounds of foot up your ass, so take your vericose-veins to Jenny Craig. Pronto.
It’s obviously because you’ve lost so much weight with all of that running and shnizzle, you were looking kinda Kate Moss-ish, (or Mary Kate, or Ashley, or whatev) and now, you’re just glowing with the beauty of health!!!
Gah! Who in their right mind asks such a question?
Oh no way? Who does that… ever?
And on another note, this just reminds me of how I really (like really a LOT) need to get my hur did. In all my laziness and procrastination, I’m showing my roots. Which for me, unfortunately, has more than one meaning. (Thank you, hillbilly ancestors.)
ouch!
(congrats on the successful salon safari and finding the always elusive competent stylist.)
Ms. H — Ohhhh! Well, the deli down the street does carry the energy drinks I like and she doesn’t. A girl has needs.
thecoconutdiaries — I can never think of these types of responses on the spot! Will you follow me around all day? You can be my sassy sidekick with the great comebacks. It’ll be just like a John Hughes film!
Ree — That must be it. I knew there was a logical reason for her rudeness.
Memarie Lane — I suppose asking someone for a roast beef on a roll once a week permits a certain level of intimacy.
justrun — Gurl, go get your hur did!
Tara R — They don’t call this place a concrete jungle for nothing!
A good stylist can be more treasured than a good therapist!
rare to find the person to trust with your hair...lucky woman...its worth changing your deli
April — Absolutely!!
rosie — Although this stylist has been at this salon for 15 years, with my luck, she’ll suddenly decide to move to LA. It’s happened before when I’ve found a great person to do my hair. I’m beginning to think it’s me.
Well, you could always say that you were pregnant but you lost the baby, thanksforasking.
And I just found the hairstylest of my dreams. But I didn’t interview her. I got referred by one of her lifelong clients who has gorgeous hair. Always. And now I DO TOO.
So i’ve been trying for a while now to get that line out in a british accent but all i can come up with is some weird french/southern hybrid. I’m sorry. haha
Get out.
She did NOT!!!
Did you punch her in the pancreas? Cause I totally would have.
And girl, your pics always crack me up. I need you to be my blog picture image stylist.
if i play duran duran and wear parachute pants the only Pavlovian response from my mom will be to give me the ear-twister - ouch. can the cougar adopt me?
k8 — That would have shut her trap, now wouldn’t it? And maybe get me free bagels for life.
Maxie — That’s even better! You sound Cajun!
Kelley — My blog picture image stylist pseudonym is Bobo the Monkey.
blakspring — The Cougar is not the ear-twisting type but, oh, my word! All she has to do is look disappointed in you and you will do anything to make her happy. It’s been a blessing and a curse my entire life. You’ve been warned.
I thought your hair was tres cool. Send me a picture! I want to see the new ‘do!
Also, I love when people notice I gained weight.
Oh hell no. I hope you shoved a banana up that woman’s nose.
Only if I get to make out with the bad boy with the BMW in the end!
Wait, your place is clean, but you haven’t offered your couch for crashing? I think I’m hurt…
And, gee, however could that myth that New Yorker’s are “straightforward to the point of being rude” come about? I wonder....
Crissy — I like to think that they believed I was underweight before.
nancypearlwannabe — She got it in both nostrils.
thecoconutdiaries — One James Spader with pastel shirt and white jacket comin’ up!
GeekHiker — If you tried to crash on our couch, you would be hurt. That’s where Dingo Girl likes to store her toys, bones, excess hair, etc.
Did you punch her?
Over my break I also cleaned everything in my apartment but the bedroom, because where else would I shove all of our crap that I accumulated from cleaning up? The bedroom is just one big closet that we sleep in.
Hahaha, oh my goodness! She did not! I’d like to know about this GREAT hairstylist. I’ve been frequenting the Aveda Institute - it’s the Russian Roulette of haircuts! Quite the rush, actually!
Jamie — Hi Jamie! I wanted to punch her, I really wanted to. But I would worry that it would mess up my hair.
Hillary — Thanks for stopping by! I know that once I clean the bedroom the living room is going to be a disaster. Cleaning is just another word for shuffling my mess from one room to the next.
Lauren — Hello, Lauren! The Aveda Institute smells nice and is so calming. ‘Calming’ is exactly what I needed after a haircut I had there about eight years ago. Yes, I can name all the place in NYC where I’ve had my hair cut and whether or not I came home crying afterward. The problem is, the great hairstylists I go to eventually realize their worth and either move to LA to cut the hair of the rich and famous or stay in NYC and raise their prices to triple digits.
Finding a good hairstylist is such a hassle. I’ve finally found one who’s really decent, but last time they parted my hair in a different way than it does naturally, so now when I flip my hair over my shoulders (my favourite way to wear it) the left side is much longer than the right and it looks like it’s cut wrong…
Was this person my mother in law?
Sometimes, heck A LOT of the time, I despair of people’s general inability to avoid strangling themselves with their own feet. I bet Bobo did a fab job and you look absolutely brilliant, darling.
Marjolein — Obviously, you went to Bobo the Monkey.
O’Mama — It’s not even just the fact that she put her foot in her mouth, it’s that she truly enjoyed doing it!
My house is almost a hundred years old and one of the bedrooms doesn’t have a closet so I had to put an armoire in there. I can fit almost three whole outfits in the armoire.
I’m jealous. Your time off sounds very productive. Can you come over and organize my recipes? That task is always on my To Do List. That along with burn digital photos onto discs and send off great ones to be printed. You could do that for me while you’re here. 
Oh, and clean my house.
80s stylist. HEHE, that’s funny. I once had a stylist that must have been a huge fan of the female cast of friends b/c no matter what photo I brought in or hair style I requested-- I ended up looking like Monica or Rachel. Not that they don’t have great hair, but come on!!
Did you gain weight? That definitely deserves a bitch slap! All the way to the ground! What’s up with deli clerks?
flurrious — I would love to have an armoire. I think I’ll get the deluxe version, though. So I can fit four whole outfits into it.
Summer — I think there was a period of time when stylists were only taught how to cut the Rachel or the Monica. I’ll be right over to clean your house. I’ll even cut your hair for you. I’ll bring my Tiger Beat and Seventeen magazines as a style guide.
Man, I need a hair cut… But I have hair that is way easy to mess up so I don’tlet anyone cut it. I do it myself… Which is why it is super long and messy right now, I just don’t have the energy to give a hoot.
I really, really love you for interviewing stylists.
Just found your blog. Love it. I cannot believe that woman said that to you? Do people have any filter at all? Scary. I bet you look fantastic.