Catatonia is not a Eastern European Country
In the midst of all the gimmicks and ridiculous rah-rah Spirit Club Drill Team Cheer Squad bullshit that the administration at my Institution of Higher Learning wants me to shovel down the throats of my students, I sometimes actually get to teach. Sure the pom-poms get in the way and I haven’t perfected my back handspring, but I love teaching. It’s the only job I’ve ever had that has me looking forward to every day. Well, except for one summer when I worked at a video store. The Pizza Hut across the parking lot was undergoing extensive renovations and the summer sun glistening off the sweat-slicked abs of the construction workers was enough to make the daylight shunning goth chick I worked with fight for the afternoon shift. I’m not sure if she was motivated by lust or the fact that all the heavy lifting they were doing made blood pump through their carotid arteries like a vampire’s wet dream. Yes, we had binoculars. Yes, we used them. Ahhh… summer….
What was I saying? Oh, yeah something about loving to teach. Anyway, although I taught class this summer I didn’t have anything to write about because, except for two plagiarists (I’m resigned to the fact there’s going to be at least one fucker every semester who wants to play chicken with me and Mr. Google), they were awesome. Truly something to cheer about. Give me an “A”! Give me a “W”! Give me the rest of the word without having to spell it out! I could write odes to this summer class; their hard work, curiosity, vision, and drive to succeed is every teacher’s dream. In fact, only three weeks into the Fall semester, I’m beginning to wonder if the summer class was just that, a dream. I know I’ve lamented the apathy of the younger generation before. I didn’t think there was anything worse than apathy. That, dear Innernetz, is incorrect. You know what is worse than apathy? Catatonia.
Catatonia is worse than apathy. While the Head Honchos want to me to get the students fired up about inconsequential matters – anyone care for a I Heart NY pin? – I’m trying to get them interested in ANYTHING beyond their tiny little spheres of existence. There’s a whole world outside their 18-year old, two and a half pound brains and I want them to grab it by the balls and make it scream! But you know why they don’t? You know why they say they are not going to vote, that they can’t be bothered to learn about the issues that affect them, that they don’t get involved in their communities, that they don’t protest against injustice and social inequality? Because they don’t believe that one person can make a difference.
WTF?
I asked them if any of them had ever heard of the Unknown Rebel at Tiananmen Square. Blank stares. I refused to admit defeat at the hands of ignorance. “On June 5, 1989, over a million students, teachers, and workers, ” I started in a low quiet voice. I wanted them to have to lean forward to listen. I wanted to have their undivided attention. And I did. By the time I was impersonating both the Unknown Rebel ("and he stood bravely in the face of certain death") and the tank drivers ("and they moved to the right but the rebel blocked their path") my shirt was untucked, my shoes were off and I was gesticulating wildy. After my triumphant finish with a flourishing, “AND THE TANKS TURNED AROUND!” The room was silent.
A lone hand at the back of the class was raised. “Yes?” I responded secure in the knowledge that I had made my point. “Did it change anything?” It was my turn to be silent. I thought about it for a minute. I thought about how sometimes big changes come about in small increments.
“We don’t know yet.”
Class dismissed.
****************************************************
Update to the Naked MILF Sweepstakes:
Thanks, Innernetz! Crissy has made it to the first page of the Hottest Mommy Blogger Page! We only have a few hundred votes to go before Crissy has to post her ta-tas on her site wins wins and has to post her ta-tas on her site! If you haven’t taken a look at the bribe Stoogepie has offered as incentive to vote,you are missing out on a fantastic opportunity to win:
Sony DSC-T300 Cyber-shot® 10-Megapixel Digital Camera - Silver — list price $499.99
Sony LCS-THM/B Genuine Black Leather Case — list price $49.99
Sandisk 4GB Memory Stick Pro Duo — list price $39.99.
Photoshop CS3
Wait! Photoshop wasn’t included in your earlier post about this contest, you say. Right-o, my observant Innernetz. I talked to Stoogepie about his lame assed prize package and said that a REAL prize package would also include Photoshop CS3 because that’s what I would want to win. Somehow, Stoogepie absconded with the goods found one lying around unopened and unused at work and is throwing that into the mix as well. Yes, you can win a camera, a carrying case, a memory stick, AND Photoshop CS3. All that, for the person whose vote is chosen at random by Stoogepie after the contest ends on or around October 16, 2008.
But that’s not all….oh, no, my pretties. Stoogepie is also offering a prize for the BLOGGER who pimps this contest and whose reader is the lucky bastard who claims the prizes listed above. You know what the pimp gets? Guess. No, really. Guess! Okay, I’ll tell you. The BLOGGER who pimps the contest and whose reader wins the camera/Photoshop package wins:
Sony HDRTG1 Handycam – list price $899.00.
That is just too fucking cool. I want it Innernetz. I want it bad. So go vote. Because you are not apathetic or catatonic. Your vote can make the difference. Your vote can make Dingo oh so happy. And isn’t that what life is really all about?
Go see Stoogepie’s post for all the details.
Posted on Sunday, September 21, 2008 at 10:04 AM.
Tags: Contests, Little Red Schoolhouse
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Comments & Trackbacks
Make them read Kesey! Stick together and you’ll get there.
By the way, do you know the music group Catatonia? I love their song road rage. 
Okay, back to writing my paper on Kesey, only 1000 words to go, deadline is tomorrow.. aaah!!! 
yep… keep it up… little by little you’ll have them diverting their own tanks… change happens when we all do our bit however small it might seem
you’re gonna have to fight me for the handicam!
Either way… crissy better win 
we’ve got less than a month left to vote!
Give me an “E” Give me an “S” Give me an “OME”.
Do I win?
Anyway, I love the picture.
Marjolein — I’m going to have to check out both Kesey Stick Together and the music group Catatonia. Good luck on your paper!
rosie — Thanks for the encouragement! Sometimes it’s just so frustrating that people who have so much to give want to give so little.
Maxie — How about this? I will post video of you taken with my new handicam. You can post it on your site. hee!
Ree — Woohoo! You must’ve been a cheerleader, huh? Get thee over to the Blogger’s Choice Awards, vote for Crissy, and you can win BIG!
“I’m resigned to the fact there’s going to be at least one fucker every semester who wants to play chicken with me and Mr. Google.”
OH MY GOD!!! What a riot!! That made me snorf DietCoke through my nose!!
I feel your pain about trying to get the kiddos involved...I think most teenagers are genetically incapable of caring about “non-me” issues. I’m not sure exactly when Awareness kicks in—all we can hope is that it eventually will!!
But now they have the story, and that’s something. They may not realize it for a while, but it’s something.
And I will vote, sure. But I don’t really need CS3. When I need something photoshopped, I’m just sending it to you and your mad skillz.
OK, even my asshole 5th graders are catatonic. We’re just lame adults that don’t get it, ever. I can’t even count the number of times per day I get the blank stare.
This post is both funny and sad. In China, people are compelled into inaction by an oppressive fear, and still they stand up and fight. Here, we are lulled into inaction by relative comfort. WTF? Whip those fuckers into shape. Make them know what fear feels like and maybe they will understand.
That picture is hysterical. Love the people falling off the sign.
Peoples, you have Dingo to thank for the Photoshop component of the grand prize in the Nude MILF Sweepstakes. Look at the picture above and think about it: you could be the next Dingo!
I like to think that there is one student in your class sitting back, quiet, listening to what you have to say. When the time comes, they will step into the street.
The rest will drive the tanks.
It’s a frustrating time for everyone, I think. But I do believe that you are making a difference. Thank you.
The truly unfortunate thing is that nobody knows what happened to the guy, good or bad. You can watch this online:
http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/pages/frontline/tankman/view/
But bravo to you for filling your students in on a small part of history.
I’m glad you love your job because I think it may just be the hardest - and most noble - in the world. I cannot imagine having to speak to a room of 18-year olds every day. I would get fired for smacking them upside the head for sure. You are amazing and Underblawger is right - I’m sure there is at least one young soul out there who is soaking it all up. And when that person wins a Nobel Prize one day, you can take ALL the credit.
Ms. H — We’ve talked a lot about social responsibility and their response seems to be, “Someone else will do it.” I’m hoping this attitude is just posing and an attempt to look cool, but when did not caring become the in thing?
justrun — I couldn’t believe they didn’t know the story. I know that most of them weren’t even born then, but this was such a BIG event! Thanks for voting! If I win the handicam, we’ll have to video our drunken get together—but first we have to plan our drunken get together!
jane — I cannot describe the incredible feeling that comes when you look at the class and you see a light go on behind the eyes. When all of a sudden, someone just gets it. I know I’ve said this before but it’s just like someone flipped a switch. I just have to find out what it takes to flip that switch.
stoogepie — Comfort breeds complacency. Did someone already say that? Should I copyright that?
The Underblawger — Thanks for stopping by! All it takes is one person to make a change. I hope that at least one of my students leaves my class wanting to make a difference. It only takes one person to stand up to the tanks.
April — You know, just as I was reading your comment, I got an email from a student who said that she’s doing well in her classes now because of my class and she misses my class. That type of feedback is what keeps me going when I face the blank stares. I can’t reach everybody but if I can reach just one…
GeekHiker — I’ve been unable to find out what happened to him as well. Thanks for the link. I’m going to order the DVD and show it to my class.
Mel Heth — Sometimes I wonder if there are laws against Shaken Teenager Syndrome. And if one of my former students ever wins a Nobel Prize, I’d damn well better be invited to the ceremony!
I agree with Underblawger. And that kid better be one of mine! I feel a little queasy seeing other people’s fifth graders being referred to as assholes...does it really start that early? Yikes.
Oh. And I want an I Heart NY pin!
Keep fighting the good fight, Dingo. I’ll give you an “ESOME” any time.
Photoshop for me+Handicam for you=the best day ever. Maybe I’ll be able to graduate from Paintshop and Microsoft Publisher.
Tell the student that if they vote I will come and show them my tits.
That should help.
When I was first starting my year of service, all the volunteers in my area were treated to a speech by the head of the NW division. She said something that I’ve heard before, but it always rings true: Sometimes fighting for change is like trying to empty the ocean with a teaspoon. It seems like an impossible task, but we keep on dipping in and eventually we’ll make a difference.
I was SHOCKED when my first-time voter freshmen said they probably wouldn’t vote. I tried to impartially stress that it was an election of firsts and they would be a part of history. There are a TON of issues, at least one will impact them directly. A student raised her hand and said “Yeah, will there be a job for me when I graduate?”
Then I sighed and remembered my favorite, cheese-filled story in the world:
There was a man that used to go to the ocean to do his writing. He had a habit of walking along the shore.
One day he saw a young man reaching down to the shore, picking up something and very gently throwing it into the ocean. As he got closer he called out, “Good morning! What are you doing?”
The young man paused, looked up and replied, “Throwing starfish into the ocean.”
“Why?”
“The sun is up, and the tide is going out. If I don’t throw them in, they’ll die.”
“But, young man, don’t you realize that there are miles and miles of beach, and starfish all along it? You can’t possibly make a difference!”
The young man bent down, picked up another starfish and threw it into the sea, “I made a difference for that one.”
I think we have RAISED a generation or three of people who don’t give a shit; it doesn’t just “happen,” it is that we don’t live in a society that is conducive to change. Starts young-here, let me sit you down in front of the tv and you can learn how to be a spectator in someone else’s life-a life that is totally made up-and then add to it a mix of parents who have neither the time nor the resources to expand their OWN views and horizons and....well. Stopping there. You are a great teacher.
I could never be a teacher for that exact reason. I want to scream at adults who don’t feel the need to vote and have given up I’m afraid I might resort to physical violence with high schoolers who don’t give a shit.
Tress — Unfortunately, I think it just may start that early. There’s no way these kids get to my class and suddenly turn into the “I just don’t care” generation. Send me your address—one I Heart NY pin on the way!
saratogajean — I knew you were my go-to person for ESOME. I like the way you think, girl! We’ll be a technological duo the likes of which the blogosphere has never seen!
Crissy — I tried that but I don’t think they’d get their heads out of their asses long enough to take a look!
Rachel — I read your comment and Coco’s as I came home from some very disappointing classes today. Our class projects are to find a need in our community and then all semester long we are to work on trying to address that need. No one is interested. They’d rather get a poor grade in the class than help someone else. Then, as we were leaving the class, one guy came up to me and said, “I’ll look into Project X. I think it’s a good idea.” I think he’s going to be someone that makes a difference.
thecoconutdiaries — Okay, thank you for making me weepy this afternoon. I’m going to print this out and put it in my purse. Then, every time I want to reach in to grab the brass knuckles and hit a freshman upside the head, I will read this instead.
Kori — What’s odd is that the generation raising these kids are the ones who benefited from change, from rebellion, from revolution, right? So why is there a disconnect?
Megkathleen It is frustrating sometimes and I’m having a particularly rough semester but I promise to write my good stories about them soon! Some of them make me want to hug them. In fact, when I bump into some of my students in the hallways or on the street around campus, there is usually hugging.
Every semester - EVERY ONE - I got (until I return to teaching, I must speak in the past tense) at least one bonehead who thought I a) didn’t recognize a voice that was certainly NOT that of the particular student and b) that I was too, I don’t know, maybe, IMPAIRED to use Google. Unfortunately, rarely did a student do much more that look away; we both knew damn well any apology would refer to getting caught than having done it in the first place!
I love how you reminded your students about standing up for SOMETHING. That sort of moment is why I love teaching, too.
Oh, and catching morons who plagiarize.
Lessee - am I still spam or have I been FREED?
O’Mama — You are freed! You stood up to the spamcatchers!! I think the excuses they give for plagiarizing are hilarious. “Oh, I didn’t plagiarize that. The person who wrote the paper for me did.” I kid you not.
Good for you, excellent for you for putting the story in their minds, as wee as they may be. Hopefully at least one will go home and research it.
You rock!
Check out my latest post with the hat, Dingo. I know you’ll laugh. Sad as it is.
Jenny — Ha! I need that hat. It’s highly appropriate for my class.
I think, having done a year of volunteer service, I would like to give your class a good talking to!
This is such a sad, sad thing. My DS suffers from some of this, as well. Having lived so much of his life under the Bush disease and seeing the adults of the U.S. accept our rights, etc., being removed, he fails to see how we can change things at this point. It all feels entrenched to him.
Having said that, he DOES get fired up, he DOES support me in my volunteerism, he DOES recognize that when I’ve come home and said I made 50 phone calls, but I did change three voters minds, that this is important. But… geez… it’s hard for them to “get it” when no one’s really out there taking fate into his/her own hands these days.
Rachel — I can’t even get them to do two hours of volunteer service. If you told them you did a year of volunteer service, they will think you are lying.
Jen of a23atwrite — What an incredible role model you are! You’re out there and he sees that. That will have an impact on him and I hope that he will also have an impact on others. Go Jen!
Oh. My. GOD! “Chicken with me and Mr. Google.” EXACTLY.
I’m dealing with apathy, too, though it’s being marketed as “this class starts too early.” I’m doing my back handsprings, too, but I’m not sure it’s working. It makes me sad that these are the kids who are going to be ruling the country in my golden years…
Don’t feel bad. 18-year-olds, as a whole, rarely care about anything other than themselves. It’s one of the perqs of being 18. Once they start to realize that they’re not always going to be housed, fed, and protected by their parents, they’ll start to pay attention to the world. Some of them anyway. Some of them will always be narcissistic boneheads.
Mrs. Chili — I wish I knew what motivated kids today (geez, that makes me sound old). What’s really scary is that one of my classes is comprised almost entirely of students who want to be elementary school teachers. Yep, these are the lazy, self-absorbed students who are going to be teaching your kids/grandkids someday. Woohoo!
flurrious — Hi! Thanks for visiting. I can only hope that as they grow older, they truly grow up. Otherwise, there will be a lot of narcissistic boneheads on the streets in the next couple of years.
If I win this contest, I am going to use my prize to photoshop Crissy’s boobies onto everything. Onto every picture of the unknown rebel, onto all political figures not already sporting their own (I’ll put three on McCain, just to make a point), and a single lonely boob extending from the foreheads of every catatonic 18-yr old who can’t be bothered to vote. Again, just to make a point...dude, people died for that right. Get off your entitled be-hinds and take five minutes out of your day. I mean, GOD.
Marian — I would absolutely love to see that! If the Unknown Rebel had displayed some boobs, maybe my students would’ve known who he was.