I Kick Ass and The World Finally Knows It
There’s nothing like coming off a mishap filled week like last week to find that you’ve been awarded the Kick Ass Blogger award by not one, but TWO bloggers whom you admire to boost your spirits. Well, there is, but I didn’t come home to find Christian Bale naked in my bed so I’ll take what I can get. Hint to the blogosphere: if I ever get another blogging award, please make sure it includes Christian Bale naked in my bed. Or at least in his Batman costume. That man certainly can fill out the Kevlar, no? Oh, and I’d appreciate it if Mr. Dingo is on a business trip at the time. So, thank you Ms. Catalysta and Dirty Laundry Diva for the awards. It made my week. Mr. Dingo suggested that I should contact one of you and give you the option to bestow the award on someone else. I was like, “Screw dat! Dat bitch is mines!” It is no coincidence that I also say that to all the johnny-come-lately Christian Bale fans.
I love blogging so this award really does mean a lot to me. I’m going to have my tech person, Mr. Dingo, set up an awards page so that you can go visit my award any time you want and longingly caress the screen. I’ve met some great bloggers online and even one in person (hey, when are all the New York Bloggers going to have a meet-up?). Y’all have been with me through thick and hope-to-soon-be -thin, zombie invasions, mosquito infestations, and student cluelessness. Thank you so much.
This is probably a good time to open up the blog for questions. No, not your questions. My questions. Day-um, y’all! Dingo can’t just give her life info away. She has to remain a woman of mystery and keep stringing you along so that six, seven, or twenty years from now you are still reading just to find out what makes Dingo tick.
Here are some questions I have for you:
• Why does butter taste so good? I am not a discriminating butter fan. I just love butta! From Land O’ Lakes to Mrs. Butterworth, I love butta! But some people, people who like to ruin all my fun, insist that asking for a double dose of movie popcorn butter is going to be the death of me. To that I say, if you think that is going to be the death of me, then you haven’t seen me drive. So, really, if it’s so bad for you, why does butter taste so good?
• Why do women with really bad weaves insist on wearing their hair in ponytails? Isn’t the point of a weave to fool people into thinking that you look more like Faith Hill rather than Chucky? If your weave is pulled into a tight ponytail I can see where your fake hair connects with your gnarly scalp. You aren’t fooling anyone.
• Is the gas crisis causing cutbacks in soap production? As far as I know gas and soap are unrelated. In fact, there is no reason that rising gas prices should effect my fellow subway riders. I know that gas prices are high but are we reduced to making choices between soap and filling up our gas tanks? Shouldn’t taking the subway mean that people are actually saving money? Rising gas prices and rising temperatures do not mix. It’s like oil and water. Paris and Nicole. McCain and the White House. Jack Daniels and Coke. Oh, wait. I like that last combo. I’m wondering if it’s only the people who used to drive but now take the subway that just stink. You tell me. Have you cut back on buying soap?
• Why do people who tie their dogs up outside of Starbucks get upset when I pop into the coffee shop and say, “Is someone in here the irresponsible and neglectful owner of the dog that is tied up outside in the heat/cold/rain and susceptible to any crazy person or vicious dog that walks by?” I mean, I’m just checking. I want to make sure the dog is not abandoned. That’s a good thing, right?
So, those are my questions for you, dear readers. I’m going to go bask in my Kick Ass Blogginess now but before I do I need to choose five bloggers to receive this award. Here are da’ rules:
• From your list of hundreds in your reader somehow choose five other bloggers that you feel are “Kick Ass Bloggers”.
• Let ‘em know via : - your post. b) an email c) Twitter d) blog comments … that they have received an award.
• Link back to the person that awarded you (ME!) and also www.mammadawg.com.
• Visit the Kick Ass Blogger Club HQ, to get codes, sign Mr. Linky then pass it on!
I know some people have already received this award so I’m going to spread the love and give it to people that haven’t gotten it yet – or if they have, they are slackers and haven’t posted about it. Soooo, without further ado, Mrs. Chili at The Blue Door, Lara at Red, Red, Whine, Crissy at Crissy’s Page, Meg at Golightly, and (Day-um!! Only five?) Mel Heth at Life According to Mel Heth, come on down! You are all Kick Ass Bloggers.
Posted on Thursday, August 07, 2008 at 04:35 AM.
Tags: La Vida Loca
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Comments & Trackbacks
I didn’t even get one! Alas, I am not ass-kickin’ enough. And here I was planning on solving the mysteries of butter for you!
Nancypearlwannabe — Oh, NPW! Tell me! Tell me the secrets of butter! I’ll give you the award. I can always bump someone off. How about Mrs. Chili? I can get rid of her. She’s a teacher, you’re a librarian—we don’t really need two people in education, right? Sorry, Mrs. Chili but you don’t know butter.
Hey! Thanks for the award! I’ll get to posting about it soon - though maybe not today… we’ll see.
As for the questions; haven’t you noticed that EVERYTHING that’s bad for you tastes good? I mean, think about it - which would you rather have, tofu or steak? Frozen soy milk or Hagen Daz? Margarine or butter? (oh, and I don’t care WHAT it says on the side of the can, the shit they squirt on popcorn at the movies is NOT real butter and probably WILL kill you. I’m just sayin’) Carob or chocolate? I could go on - you KNOW I could - but I think you get the idea. It’s God/dess’s way of telling us that life is short anyway, so you may as well enjoy yourself while you’re here.
I can’t speak on the weave or the dog thing (or the subway thing) as these are mostly urban happenings, and I live in the sticks, comparatively. I can tell you, though, that gas prices are affecting how OFTEN people shop, if not what they buy, so the soap and the gas could just be connected…
Mrs Chili — Hey, Mrs. Chili! Thanks for the answer. I knew you would know the answer and I bet you didn’t even have to look at Wikipedia, right?
NPW — I’m taking the award back that I took from Mrs. Chili and giving it back to her. What? WHAT? I’m a Kick Ass Blogger twice over, I can do what I want. I’m sure you understand.
Damn. SO not kick-ass enough. Shit. I suck. That said, I remain firmly convinced that butter is actually BETTER for you than margarine, because it is, you know, pure. There is little in life more enjoyable than warm bread with cold, thick, creamy, slightly salted butter. In fact, I think I just-well. Never mind. And did you see the lovely Mr. Bale in 3:10 to yuma? I hate Russell Crowe with a purple passion and like WEsterns about the same, but damn, Christian plays one sexy farmer turned cowboy turned hero. Yum.
Ok, to answer your questions.....butter.....mmmmmmmm, glorious butter. Specifically COLD butter....cold butter on hot bread........OM-effing-G. Why does it taste good? Because it is chock full of crap we shouldn’t eat...like fat.....and fat...and fat. Oh, and some salt. It’s like all the OTHER awesome stuff to eat out there....if it tastes good, it probably isn’t all that healthy for you. With the exception of this canteloupe I’m eating right now........
Bad weaves? What about bad hair altogether? I have frizzy, curly, fine and thinning hair. It never looks good, so one must not pass judgement on OTHERS with bad hair.
Body odor on subways? Sorry, I’m a small town girl that drives everywhere, and really wants those in my vehicle to smell nice. I think the correlation between high gas prices and body odor is a far reach. I’m thinking it’s nothing but plain ole’ hot summer sweat that you are facing......these are the same joes that rode the subway last winter, but because they were hidden under bulky coats, you didn’t get to REVEL in their sweaty odor........now, they are letting it loose in their tank tops....and sweaty business suits.
Starbucks? You obviously are a caring pet person. End of story!!
I’ll caress your award tonight, when I’m not at work. I’m thinking too much web time and caressing may not be great for my career.
Career....hahahaha...job.
Kori — Girl, you KNOW you are kick-ass. But I had to pick five—FIVE! And frankly, they’re the first ones who offered a bribe. I have no shame. Just kidding! About the bribe, I mean. I think it’s pretty well established that I really have no shame.
Shelly — Shelly, girl, you are better than Google. You have all the answers. REVEL in their sweaty odor. Hee! That made me laugh. After I threw up a bit. Oh, and about bad weaves. It’s totally different than bad hair. Sometimes bad hair is just the hand we’re dealt (I’ve seen your hair on your blog. You do not have bad hair). A bad weave? Well, someone paid for that shit.
I so kick ass ... Yes, I am pouting. Hopefully, Mrs. Chili will take care of me.
Smooches.
Ha! You kill me! And you DO kick ass, because not much makes me smile in the morning these days.
Okay so I’m going to contribute some useless knowledge to this discussion. (I’m good at that.) Did you know that movie theater popcorn (and the butter) is engineered for smell not taste? The oil they cook it in and the butter they put on it has a chemical in it that is made to smell a certain way and trigger popcorn cravings.
Oh and bad weaves? *shudders* It’s like, why bother? If you’re going to go to all that trouble you might as well make it look nice. I have noticed a strong correlation between stinky people on the bus and bad weave. I’m just sayin.
Butter - tastes good because God loves us and wants us all in Heaven with Him ASAP. Lots of butter=cardiac arrest=reunion with God pronto. So eat up; it is His Will.
Weaves - girl, you know that shit gets hot! I can’t imagine having long hair in the summer. Me and Natalie Portman have the right idea. Skin(head) is in.
Gas vs. Soap - I’m stumped. Pass the Jack & Coke. At least my perspiration will smell deliciously of alcohol.
Starbucks Orphans - Seems silly when there’s probably a Starbucks 1/2 a block from home. But who am I to judge? Maybe the owner is using the bathroom. Or getting an emergency poop bag. But they’re probably just enjoying a nice iced coffee with extra whipped cream in the A/C. Who doesn’t love A/C? Dogs, I guess.
P.S. Chuckie is one scary bitch. I still check to make sure he’s not hiding in the backseat of my car.
You got 2? See.... You really do kick some major ass!! Woot, congrats on getting 2 my friend! Keep em both.
Could you be any funnier? The part about women who have weaves made me nearly spit out my coffee. Congratulations, kick ass blogger! xxx
You’re welcome! You deserve it!
Butter is delicious and boyfriend tries to stop me from using it. His hands almost get cut off when he does so.
Your hair weave comment almost made me spit out my coffee on my keyboard. Classic.
You should start taking the dogs for a walk around the block. Then bring it back to a (hopefully) terrified idiot of an owner and say- some people aren’t as nice as me.
I am honored to have received this Major Award, even though it did not involve naked hot celebrities in my bed.
I have no answers to your questions, sadly. Some things, we just weren’t meant to know.
Margarine is apparently one molecule away from plastic, so live it up w/ the butter! I’m staying away from the weaves. I’m beginning to think that they’re just using high gas prices is just an excuse for everyone to jack up their prices. (And you’re SO right about McCain and the White House being a very bad combo.) I leave my cat at home, thank you very much.
Congrats on the award!
What is up Kiss Ass Award twin! Does this mean we have superpowers now? Do we get to move into the “Real World” house??
-I’m not so much into butter as I am into butter-flavored things. The consistency of butter is icky. I mean, how do they make it greasy?
-As someone who rocked a weave for about a month, that shit is too expensive to just change all willy-nilly. But my girls do need to get a little more creative with the ponytail.
-I think John McCain pumps heat into the subway to keep poor people from reproducing.
-Why are you people still drinking Starbuck’s?? We are in an economic crisis! Why don’t you guys get together and figure out how to make cars run on coffee so I don’t have to ride the bus with smelly people??
cajunvegan — Put on a happy face! You know you rock!
justrun — I’ll be right over to kick the ass of whatever (or whoever) is getting you down.
Rachel — I don’t really need much to trigger my popcorn cravings. Smell, sight, sound of butter sauteeing...I’m all about butta! As for the bus weave correlation: saving money on the bus, saving money on the weave, saving money by not buying soap. It’s all coming together for me now.
saratogajean — Just when I was doubting the existence of God, you make a strong argument that there is a god, and it is Emeril. Just one taste of butter and BAM! And, you know that if you left your boys, Ernie and Dexter, tied up outside a Starbucks they would kick your ass when you got back out.
DirtyLaundryDiva — You have no idea what a beast you’ve unleashed. I’ve been lording my new title over Mr. Dingo and I think the awe is wearing thin.
Cupcakes and Cashmere — Thanks! Hey! Don’t spit out that coffee! You’ll end up at Starbuck no doubt feeling compelled to release the hounds tied up outside.
MsCatalysta — Knowing me, I’d take the dogs for a walk right back to my apartment. Dingo Girl would not appreciate that and the owners would probably be relieved that the dog food fund can now be spent on a venti triple mocha cappuccino.
Lara — You didn’t get a naked celebrity in bed? I sent one over! Damn that Miley Cyrus! She’s such a tease.
April — If McCain gets into the White House I think we’ll all be stocking up on the Jack and Coke.
thecoconutdiaries — We probably have Wonder Twin Powers. “Form of a stick o’ butta! Shape of a Country Crock!” So, that’s McCain’s energy plan! I knew that man was up to something! He’s probably responsible for the dogs left outside of Starbucks, too. I think I’m going to start that rumor and see if it makes it around the internet.
This is tooo exciting! I’m going to go kick some ass now.
I don’t know much about butter except I’m going to go eat some now because you got my mouth watering for it too. And as for gas and soap I can only assume soap production is being affected because gas prices are ruining everything. EVERYTHING.
Sheesh! I get busy at work, skip blog reading until afternoon and then find THIS. An ass-kicking award. I’m speechless. Seriously. First the caption contest and now this. Dingo, will you be my publicist? Or my agent? Or my sister wife? I will have to go figure out how to pay forward 5 more awards now...Can I nominate you again?
Here’s my theory on butter: it’s breast milk. If you ever took nutrition in college, you’d learn that breast milk is like the perfect superfood. So I think anything that comes from the milkyness of an animal breast (gag, okay not a human) such as goat cheese, brie, heavy whipping cream, buttttterrr and ice cream is going to be the best thing ever. Booby goodness.
Not sure what to say about the weave. Oh but the one and only time I rode the subway from downtown to Central Park in summer, I was nose-to-pit with a very stinky business man. NO bueno.
Megkathleen — Mmm....butta! I’m sure soap and gas prices are connected. I’m expecting CNN to do a news story about it any day now.
Mel Heth — Okay, if anything could just about ruined my butter obsession, the whole breast milk thing would be it. Animal, human, whatevs. Yuck.
Congrats! And deserved… and I loved the questions, even if I don’t have the answers.
Did you really want answers to your questions? No? Oh well.
1) In real life cows snort coke with the frequency of Keith Richards which is why butter is so highly addictive.
2) These women have a psychological short-circuit in which their need to let people know that they spent actual cash-dollars on their hair trumps their need to look like a more natural Faith Hill.
3) Gas = Soap. Don’t ask me what this equation was derived from, but I talked to the bean counter at the GAO and they assure me it’s true.
4) Said dog owners are black hearted bastards who don’t like having the fact pointed out publicly.
dingo- all the blogging awards in the world can never fully express how much you kick ass. truly!
Jen of a2eatwrite — I bet you are going to wake up tonight knowing all the answers. Write them down! You’ll never remember them in the morning.
Steph — Of course I want answers! And your answers were especially enlightening—especially about the butta!
sunny — Thank you so much. And you aren’t so bad yourself, ya’ know!
*Whew* So glad I wasn’t given the award, I’ve already got too much work to do.
But if I’m ever in a position to give the award to you, I will most certainly make every attempt to ship Christian Bale to you. Perhaps slathered in butter with a rum & coke on the nightstand.
I cannot comment on women’s hair (I just know I like it long because, uh, hello, I’m a guy).
All subways stink, I think there’s a law somewhere, passed as part of a great conspiracy by the auto and oil companies (and the makers of those little trees to hang from the rear-view mirror) to drive people out of the stinky subway and into their cars.
Me? I just yell out “Look, free doggie!” and start to untie him…
I like a little butter with my butter. Margarine is nasty! I love your Starbucks announcement… just as bad as leaving them in a hot car… people can be so stupid.
Congrats on the awards… much deserved!
GeekHiker — Ha! Check out Mel Heth’s post for today. Mmmm....butter...Bale...mmmm.... Don’t you need a doggie to take on your hikes with you. Dogs are chick magnets, btw. Mr. Dingo is constantly getting hit on when he’s out with Dingo Girl. Me? I get little old ladies and gay men. What’s up with that?
Tara R — Thanks! And I am so proud of you.
Hey Everyone, Tara totally called the cops on some woman who left her dog in the car in 100 degree heat! She saved that dog’s life! http://ifmomsaysok.wordpress.com/2008/08/04/canine-1-1/
I love the way your mind works chick.
Oh and I would go into the coffee shop and shout ‘Hey everyone! There is a dog outside tied up! I totally kicked it and it can’t get me. 10 points to the first one that gets it in the head!’ Then the owner goes running outside and I score myself a free cup o joe.
And then I can use my latte money to buy soap.
He he, Kelley is dangerous!
Who says butter is bad for you? Cause I think they’re lying.
Kelley — I love the way your mind works. Brilliant idea!
Marian — I think someone started that rumor so they could keep all the butter to themselves.
Oh! WOW! Yay! I got an award!!!!!
Thank you Ms. Dingo! Thank you very much!
I heart you…
yay dingo - that’s so awesome about your awards!!!
after reading rachel’s comment i think i’ll start going to the movies with a nose clip...and maybe blinders too, just to be on the safe side...because, damn, that fake butter crap is soooo good that i just want them to pump it right into my mouth.
Mazel Tov and Congrats! Yours is a presence that is delightfully wacky, irreverent and lovely in its buttery goodness. Real stuff only.
I ALWAYS feel sorry for those poor dogs and I think you’ve hit upon a great solution to the iffiness of addressing the poor and meanypants decisions of some dog owner. Why not give out a citizen citation for for being a bad human?
Crissy — I heart you too!
blakspring — But if you wore a noseclip, you couldn’t inhale the b.o. from the people on the subway!
O’Mama — Thanks! Ohhh! I love the idea of a citizen citation --especially if I can collect fines and levy jail time. I will try not to let the power go to my head.
Good lord, you crack me up! My parents always used to yell at me for putting too much butter on my bread. “Angela, it’s not FROSTING!” Whatever, butter is the best part of bread and butter.
Wickedly Scarlett — No, it’s not frosting...it’s better than frosting! And bread is just a means of getting butter from the table to our mouths.