I’m Lovin’ It
A lot of good stuff has happened recently. First and foremost, I graduated! But don’t think you are off the hook. Although my wailing and moaning about the thesis has ended, a new era of bitching is about to begin. I’m going to apply to Ph.D. programs and I need to get a good score on my English Literature Subject Matter test to get into the schools I’ve chosen. The studying and whining will commence now tomorrow after the Law & Order marathon this weekend.
Mr. Dingo has been very supportive with this decision. Actually, it wasn’t really a decision. If I don’t have a Ph.D. I’ll never be able to be on the tenure track at any university. Except for McDonald’s Hamburger University. While I find black pants slimming, I just can’t make peace with wearing a visor every day; it would crush my curls and I’m sure that the polyester would make me break out along my hairline. I also think that 3½ years as a flight attendant was more than enough to show me that my strengths do not lie in customer service.
The second good thing that happened was that classes started this week! I’ve missed teaching and it looks as if I have some pretty good students this semester. So far they seem very animated and chatty. I’d rather reign in conversation than do everything short of lighting my farts on fire just to get a response. I swear, there were times last semester when I wasn’t sure if I had walked into my class or the cadaver room at the nearby medical center.
The first day of class was this past Tuesday. I gave my big “Plagiarism: Don’t do it or I will fuck you up” speech. It was a big hit. I had one student, however, who came up after class and claimed that she had some sort of psychic ability and that sometimes the stuff she writes has already been written. It’s not plagiarism though, she promised. She’s just channeling other creative energies. Riiiiight. You’ve got to give it to the girl, to make up an excuse like that takes crystal balls. While I was thinking “Great, I’ve got the Ghost Whisperer in my class,” I responded professionally by informing her that I am also psychic because when I smell bullshit, it’s a sign that a plagiarized paper is nearby. She didn’t show up today. She must’ve seen a giant floating F in her future.
Annnddd…I know you’ve been wondering what’s up with the lack of running updates. Quite simply, I haven’t been running. With a knee injury in October that required six to eight weeks of healing, the thesis madness of November and December, and a severe case of the Lazy Ass Can’t Even Get Off The Couch To Find The Television Remote, my running was non-existent. But I’ve started up again. I’m at a run/walk now. It’s a little frustrating to know that I was running 14 miles just a few months ago and I’m run/walking one measly mile now. But it’s good to be moving again. It’s good to be out there. Unfortunately, I don’t have any comments on the usual running freak parade. With 20 degree temperatures, anyone out there running is the freak parade, myself included. Who runs in 20 degrees?! I do. And the guy who runs in a puffy jacket and jeans with a Marlboro hanging from his mouth.
The only sand in my panties this week is the ongoing construction next door. Aren’t we in a recession, Innernetz?! Didn’t Home Depot just lay off a gabillion people? Then why are the construction workers still working? I am praying to Sweet Baby Jebus that they soon run out of nails, drills, and what sounds like a broken accordion because my sanity depends on it.
Posted on Thursday, January 29, 2009 at 12:02 PM.
Tags: La Vida Loca, Leaps and Pounds, Little Red Schoolhouse
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Comments & Trackbacks
I have some questions. I, too, am lazy, and have not delved into your archives.
Since I came on board AFTER your blog was established and cool, I have some questions:
What grade do you teach? High school or college?
Can I send my son to you? so he can get his college eduMAcation from you for free?
Aren’t kids great and don’t they come up with some WHOPPERS?
No, mom (insert eye roll). I didn’t drink or smoke pot at the party after the dance this weekend....even though I didn’t come home and other’s were doing it....I CERTAINLY DID NOT.
RRIIGGGHHHHT.
Maybe your psychic student somehow knows my straight-arrow son??? Maybe they are telepathic with each other’s brains? (i.e. pot).
Oh, I have another question for you.....is Stoogie really hot? Or were you just sayin’ that?
You have some of the most creative students ever. I thought I came up with good excuses in college but your kids top anything I ever came up with.
Good luck with the test and applying for PhD programmes! What would you like to research?
It’s good that you’re running again. You know for those stay at home days you could look into buying a Wii fit? It’s a lot of fun skiing and doing yoga, and you don’t even have to go outdoors for it. 
Isn’t it interesting how a class can make or break it as a teacher? My sixth graders this year are super chatty but they’re also kind of hilarious. I’ll take chatty over obnoxious any day.
I know you don’t have time to call her bluff and do this, but I’d love to see her reaction if you told her you were so in awe of her remarkable abilities to channel the Universe’s creative energies that you’d like her to sit in an empty classroom (with no internet) and write a paper for you. She wouldn’t have to bring anything but herself, you would provide the paper and writing utensils (to take away the possibility of a pre-written paper). I’d be interested to see if there was an intelligent thought in the entire finished work.
On an up note… I hope the construction is keeping the Stilletto Sisters from being able to sleep off their benders…
Congratulations on graduating! I still haven’t finished my thesis. Oh well.
What a coincidence - I, too, have a very bad case of Lazy Ass (hence the thesis situation mentioned above). I hear it’s been going around.
Good luck with the test. Oddly, when I took my GRE (to get into the MA program in literature for which I still haven’t written the aforementioned thesis) I got a fairly low score on the English section. But I only missed ONE question in the logic section. But apparently logic is not very desirable for English professors because I probably couldn’t have gotten into a PhD program.
Ha, ha physic abilities! That’s ingenious.
Good luck on the Ph. D. To find a goal and set yourself to finish it is one trait that I wish I had half your tenacity in completing.
Congratulations on graduating! And I am truly impressed with the psychic abilities of your student (she was probably late to class due to the duties of running her own 1-800 psychic hotline number. You know how it is.)
I assume the video of you lighting your farts on fire is forthcoming?
Well, nails, screws and wood is a bit cheaper now because they need to sell the stuff...finding people to that want building done is tough.
It is actually the best time to renovate. Contractors are willing to work for a smaller profit margin. The is a large supply of contractors and low demand of work...prices are dropping. For years it was the other way around...More demand (cash out refinancing) and not enough contractors to do all the work...prices were up.
Sorry for the construction class....this a plagiarized thought, but written completely by me...hence the dangling preposition!
I think in these tough economic times it would behoove you to strike a deal with your psychic friend. If she can get you winning lottery numbers, Taye Diggs’ address, or an alibi for when you secretly put crack in Thing 1 and Thing 2’s cocktails; I say, give the girl an A.
Shelly — I teach Literature and Composition in college. Although I talk smack about my students, I love teaching and the majority of them are wonderful. Yes, Stoogie is really hot.
stealthnerd — I can’t believe that they actually think they are going to get away with some of the whoppers they tell me!
Marjolein — Thanks! I’m torn between two literary time periods right now. I’m going to talk with my mentor next week to help narrow my focus.
nancypearlwannabe — I’ll definitely take chatty over obnoxious because at least they are engaged in a positive manner. Obnoxious just sucks and all it takes is on asshat to poison the atmosphere for the entire class.
MsDarkstar — I would love to call her bluff just to see what type of excuse she comes up with. You know, I didn’t think of the construction as a benefit, but if it annoys the hell out of the Stiletto Sisters, it might be something I can deal with.
Jules — The test is not until later this summer so my main problem is going to be avoiding procrastination. My Masters program only required the general GRE and not the Subject Matter Test (although some require both) and so I put it off. Logic is not my strong suit. I’m really good at bullshitting, though. If the logic questions were essay instead of multiple choice, I’d have a much better chance.
Toe — If you only knew about all my half-completed goals, not even started goals, and what were you thinking goals, you’d be less impressed.
GeekHiker — Of course there will be video! I’ll let you know ahead of time so you can get your popcorn and soda ready.
morethananelectrician — The construction class was actually very interesting. This building next door has been sitting vacant for almost two years. Now, suddenly, they seem to want to finish it although I can’t imagine that they’d find a buyer.
thecoconutdiaries — It’s no wonder your students love coming to you for advice. You think of everything.
Congrats!! and good luck. It so wouldn’t be a Dingo post without some bitching and whining - that’s why I come here!
Channeling plagiarism? That is priceless! Good luck with the PhD program.
Oh, good luck! Why don’t you apply to University of Michigan? 
Hee.
Sweet!
BTW, you know they have some awfully nice Phd programs out here in California. And the high today is supposed to be around 78. I’m just ‘sayin, is all…
Congratulations on graduating!!! That is awesome! And I’ve actually been to McDonald’s Hamburger University. It has a very pretty campus with a lot of places to shop nearby.
Congrats on graduating! You so smart. Where are you applying for PhD programs? Please tell. I’ve been wanting to stalk you for a while. Also, what the hell do you wear when you run in that temp? I can’t even get myself to run when it’s less than 50 degrees here.
I wish I could say I’m shocked, SHOCKED I tell you, about The Reference Psychic and all, but I’ve been reading this site too much to know this is all too common these days. Do you have problems with the Grade Lawyers around midterm/finals time as well?
woohoo dingo! when are we going to celebrate? we need some drinks. maybe you can even run to where we’ll be having drinks so we can celebrate twice as much.
April — Bitching is what I do best!
Tara R — Thanks, Tara. It’s going to be a while before I go if I get into a program. I’m not planning on starting until Fall 2010 but I have applications, personal statements, etc. to get ready by this coming Fall.
Ree — After my stint in Boston for law school, I swore that I would never move any further north. Just not gonna do it. I cannot function in those frigid temps.
GeekHiker — Somewhere warm sound appealing right now. Very appealing.
Jules — You can’t just say, “I’ve been to McDonald’s Hamburger University” and not tell me more!
Megkathleen — I don’t want to say what my choices are yet because I don’t want to jinx it! When I run in cold temps, I wear these cold weather running tights, a long-sleeved duofold t-shirt, a hoodie, and a water/wind resistant jacket (with heat retaining lining), ear muffs, gloves, and warm socks. As you can tell, wearing all that stuff also makes it a weight workout.
Mr. POSSLQ — Oh my goodness! That site is so funny! Well, when most of my students find out that I am a licensed attorney, the Grade Lawyer act is squashed.
blakspring — Do we ever really need an excuse to celebrate twice as much? No, I don’t think so.
Congratulations! (I want to say on graduating and getting back to running (in winter, no less!) but I don’t want to sound like I’m more excited for you about one than the other.)
Now, was there a party to commence either of these things? And, if so, I am sure my invitation was just misplaced. Again,
Good luck with getting into the PhD program! I will keep my fingers crossed as you know I am always in favor of more people around me being doctors.
Sand in your panties? I LOVE that. I’m stealing it - it is a lovely description of some of the ridiculousness in life.
Good luck with the PhD thing. Better you than me is all I’m saying about that…
congrats on your graduation. I’m afraid that my exam was a rather sandy pants experience and I still dont know the result yet...there is always the faculty of hamburgers to look forward to if all else fails…
justrun — I’m excited about both of them. The running, however, is immediate gratification. The road to a Ph.D. is going to be significantly longer. I wish you would have a talk with your mail carrier. There’s no excuse for them to keep losing your invitations.
Mrs. Chili — Sometimes “sand in my panties” is the only apt description.
rosie — I hope your exam went well but...it would be nice to know someone who could send a few coupons for free fries my way.
first of all, congrat on your test. PHd? Wow. after getting my bachelor’s I figured that was the best I could do and just ran with it, literally afraid they would realize I actually didn’t earn it.
second: I was a runner. Be careful. I wasn’t an am now a former runner and I still cry over it. Take it easy
Congratulations! Good for you for going all the way.
Ah, the plagiarism lecture. They get it every year in high school. And every year they look at their teachers as if new information is being provided. But really, isn’t it redundant, if someone already invented the wheel on Hamlet, do I really have to reinvent it?
Mazel Tov on the thesis! Seriously, I believe you can no longer logically (’cause I know it’s not your strong suit) claim lazy ass syndrome as you and your lazy ass wrote a thesis and you graduated! Sadly, it did nothing for your butt or fitness, so way to go for getting out there (with the other nutballs) in the winter!) for a jog.
As for your Ph.D., I can’t wait to hear about the subject to be, Be warned, I may be living out my more education fantasies through you…
My kids start back at school on Monday (school year starts in Feb in Australia) and I am totally telling them to use that psychic line.
Then I am going to call their teachers and tell them to light their farts to get attention.
I will tell em that you told me it works.
Expect emails.
Congrats on graduation! Are the programs you’re looking at in NYC or elsewhere or both? I’m sorry I owe you an e-mail… threw my back out on Monday and I’ve been just a space ace ever since.
Jessica — The hardest part is trying not to do too much too fast. I just want to get out there and RUUUUUNNNNN!
Laura — Some of the plagiarized papers I’ve found have been put together very masterfully. If they had just channeled the time and energy into doing an original paper everything would have been fine.
O’Mama — Ohhh, education fantasies! They make me hot!
Kelley — If that psychic line works, please let me know. I always wonder who falls for these excuses. And lighting farts will get the attention not only of the students but a few talk shows as well.
Jen of a3eatwrite — Ouch! Sorry to hear about your back. I hope you are feeling better soon. I’m looking at schools in New York as well as all up and down the East and West Coasts.
Do NOT get me started on education fantasies… I once had one of those professors that was just plain fucking gorgeous and ehem he may or may not play in some of my waking dreams.
Was that psychic girl serious? She couldn’t have been serious…
Sounds like you scared that poor girl in to prematurely giving herself up. I’m sure she thought she was being slick by making up a pre-plagarism excuse so at least she could say she told you why it appeared she was plagarizing after you caught her.
Is the Whitney Houston running away with that happy meal? You know McDonalds French Fries are like crack.
You stinkin’ crack me up! Congratulations, my dumpling!
Where the hell have I been? You posted this on THURSDAY!!!
May I suggest Brown University? It’s lovely there and plus you’ll get to hang around with ME!!!!!
Please consider it.
Oh, what I wouldn’t give to finish my master’s degree and get on with my PhD. You go! And do it for me, too.
And I’m thinking about taking up running. I have no clue how to start.
For some reason, my responses to your comments the past few days have disappeared into cyberspace. What’s up with that? So, here I go again, hoping that the pearls of wisdom finally reach the screen.
O’Mama — Hmmm, I think you need to blog about that.
Rachel — She was very serious. I can’t even imagine how much time she spent practicing that spiel in front of the mirror.
O.G. — I’ve heard plenty of AP (after the plagiarism) excuses but this was the first BP (before plagiarism) excuse I’ve ever heard. And you KNOW Whitney would bitch smack anyone that stood between her and her fries.
Jenny — Hey, Girl! You took precious minutes from Facebook to visit little ol’ me?! Mwah! Kisses!
Crissy — By hanging around with you do you mean that you want me to dog walk and babysit while you make Funniest Home Videos with Flarp?
k8 — Runnersworld.com has excellent training plans for people just starting out or people just getting back into running. I love that web site. Check it out! Hey, did I just spam my own blog?
Congrats!
Psychic. hahahaha. What a nut/liar liar pants on fire! I was hoping you’d say she was in it for the long haul. I smelled many blog posts on that chic. Too bad!
And morethananelectrician is very correct. Cost of materials are down, down, down. If you were going to build something, now is the time to do it. I know it’s irritating though.
I’m glad one of us is running. It’s certainly not me. I’ve become ridiculously lazy when it comes to my health. I will box the heavy bag around, but anything else (cardio related) just pisses me off.
Word verification: figures19
What’s it trying to tell me?
Summer — It means that you have the figure of a 19 year old and that you should give in to the call of Ben & Jerry’s.
So are you saying that Hamburger University is hiring? Because I know a lot about the McDonald’s Filet-O-Fish. Quick! What are two alternate official names for the Filet-O-Fish? See? Knowledge is good.