I’m Seeing Green
I‘ve had one mutha of a migraine so posting and commenting has been limited to the amount of time my swollen left eye and my right eye, which seems to have shrunk to the size of a pea, could tolerate the glaring light from my computer monitor. That is, until I discovered the dimmer switch on my monitor. Modern technology is amazing, yes? No. My monitor was so dim that I was actually squinting to read and I’m sure that being two inches from the screen caused me to absorb an overdose of gamma radiation that will manifest itself in green skin, destructive tendencies, and tattered clothes when I’m provoked to wrath or other extremes of emotion.
And provoked I was as I had a gabillion papers and finals to grade this weekend before the grade submission deadline today. Yes, I waited until the last minute. Intentionally. Submitting the grades before the Winter Break would have ensured that I received frantic calls and emails over Christmas and New Year’s like the ones I’ve been receiving today: “y u gv me b?” or “Can I do extra credit?” I was not going to deal with that teeth-grinding madness over the holidays when I was trying to feel love and joy for my fellow (wo)man.
But of all things that had me foaming at the mouth this weekend, it wasn’t papers that contained sentences like, “In her own external world scholarly bystanders and men the world around her and although menacing through her poetry she was able to combat it,” or “The mind is a terrible thing to waste. Unless it’s not.” No, it wasn’t these gems of budding literary genius that had me tearing out my hair. It was a phone call with a family friend.
I avoided making the Happy New Year phone call to this friend because I knew how the conversation would go.
Me: Happy New Year!
FF: Happy New Year to you! So, you are graduating. Again. Ever the professional student. I guess now you have to face the real world.
No conversation with this person is complete without the words “Professional student” and “real world” spewing from his mouth. Forget green, just typing those words makes me see red. Now, this person knows I hated being an attorney. Making sure that Company A gets Company B’s money so that it can eventually screw over Company C just wasn’t where it was at for me. It was even worse when I was working to make sure that Companies A, B, and C had enough money and legal loopholes to make sure they could screw over people like you and me. But I suppose that’s the real world. The real world means that you must be unhappy as long as you are making lots of money.
Apparently, getting my Masters so I can teach in college is an unworthy pursuit. I love my job. I love 7 out of 10 of my students. The other three students I consider character building experiences. Whoever you don’t kill makes you stronger and all that. And you know what? I need advanced degrees so I can do what I love because in spite of the emails offers that I receive almost daily promising that I can get a MbAdegree MasterPHD DIploma just by sending in tree-fitty. The real world just doesn’t work that way. I tried to steer the conversation in another direction but he asked if I was now going to get a real job now that I have my Masters. I told him that I already have a “real job.” I teach. He just chuckled and I swear if we were in the same room he would’ve patted me on the head while doing so. And I would’ve punched him in the eye. While reciting Shakespeare. Everything should be a learning experience, don’t you think?
You know what’s real about my world? Real is teaching 12 hours a week but spending more than twice that time outside of class preparing lesson plans, reading articles on education and teaching, finding new and interesting books for the class to read and reading them myself, student conferences, student conferences, more student conferences, grading papers, making exams, etc. but only being paid for those 12 hours of class time. The real world is watching budget cuts shrink class offerings, stipends for class necessities, scholarships for students, and faculty health care while raising the number of students per class and increasing administrative task work for the faculty.
The real world is trying to teach the value of education and critical thinking to a generation of students that can’t hear you over the pop culture messages that tell them being young and beautiful will net them fancy cars, bling, and status and that there’s no such thing as life after thirty. The real world is not an MTV show with tricked out condos in Miami, Philly, Paris, and Brooklyn — Wait! Is it? Innernetz, are you holding out on me? Are all of you living in luxury? Bitches.
I don’t care whether my students become sanitation workers, nurses, CEOs, or politicians. Well, I do care if they become politicians. Al Franken’s teachers should be proud. George Bush’s should not. Then again, we teachers can only do so much. What I do care about is that they learn how to think critically and analytically. What I care about is that they don’t become selfish, self-absorbed, and senseless. Because to fail in that regard perpetuates the mindset that has brought our economy, our society, and our government to the state that it is in today. So fuck you, no, I don’t want the real world (although I wouldn’t mind an MTV condo). I want to create a better one. And you know what? I need a degree to do it.
Posted on Tuesday, January 06, 2009 at 04:51 AM.
Tags: Little Red Schoolhouse
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Comments & Trackbacks
I just came across your blog the other day, and it is definitely up there on my list. If you’re as effective and entertaining of a teacher as you are as a blogger then you’re students must love you (even if you only like 70% of them).
That’s exactly why I’m not putting any research paper grades in the computer until I can put them ALL in the computer. I do not want to hear it.
Ummm, can I have FamilyFriend’s number? Pleeeeeze? Cuz I would REALLLLLLLLLY like to have a chit-chat with him. I’d like to invite him to come teach my class for a day. But wait, not my current class. Nope, I want him to come teach the pain-in-the-ass freshmen I had my first year at Uberschool. BEFORE I channeled my inner-psycho-beyotch, made that room M.I.N.E., and started building the reputation that I have now.
I’m pretty sure that’s the last time you’ll hear SQUAT about teaching not being a real job. Granted, it may be because he’s in PRISON, but still.
And can I just say a huge thank you for teaching at the college level? I worked with those people on the res. life side and I wanted to slap them into next month. So the fact that you can see your way clear to like even SEVEN of them?? Pure altruism.
As always, I LOVE the picture! You have a gift. (One that might land you in a padded room, but hey!)
You must know a couple of students that enjoy pulling some pranks. Give them $30 and an address...things have a magical way of just “happening.”
If living a life of luxury means having towels with holes in them, then I’ve been living the life luxurious for a while now.
I will take one of those Coors Lights, though. I’m not a snob or anything.
Oh yea. We have those family friends, too. Wait. We have those ‘family’.
All you can do is try to ignore the stupidity. Write it out of you! 
And who’s he when he’s at home? The King of Bloody Siam? He’s screaming jealous and being a kant about it. Give him the finger and tell him to swivel. You’ve got what he wants; happiness.
Seven out of ten students is not too shabby. I’d say I’m averaging six out of ten right now.
A-fucking-men!
I never cultivated skills in throwing/catching/kicking/whacking/dunking balls, teetering on clear heels, or dropping/locking/swirling/shaking any part of my body. My bad.
I though going to school and making a difference in the lives of others meant something. That I could remind the people who will be paying into my social security that there’s no short cut to common sense, hard work, and paying attention.
Now, where’s my reality show?
Today, I love the fact that I’m a secretary. A secretary with an almost finished master’s degree. Which some day, I may finish. And when my mom pipes up - as she does on a weekly basis - that I need to find a “real” job that pays more, I respond with, “Wow. I love that I’m sober today and have a job that allows me to go to meetings every night and work on my AA program.” Someday, she’ll stop saying that.
Maybe. And until then, it’s not up for discussion. I spent 10 years working with kids at the church and whereas I loved the kids, the politics of the church killed my soul. I may have made a lot of money, but I was miserable. And drunk. I choose not to be miserable today. I hear that in your post as well. Hang onto it.
I am living in luxury. You should be jealous. I also look like a cross between Angelina Jolie and, I don’t know, that Hudson girl. With bigger boobs of course. HA! I think that the real world NEEDS teachersl ike you, and I think you should be commended for getting off the fast track to screwing peopel over for $$ and doing what you love.
Word, sista friend.
Wow...Now I know one MORE attorney who couldn’t stand being an attorney and is pursuing something else. Like Lawyer Greenjeans who wanted to be a farmer but whose mother was aghast that her children would pursue anything less than a medical or legal career…
My Aunt just retired from teaching.She taught teachers how to teach math. And WOW did she have some stories to tell about THAT.
Teaching IS a “real” job. As real or moreso than whatever FF spends his days doing in pursuit of a paycheck. Keep on doin’ what you do as long as you like doing it!
That sounds pretty darn real. And if you want to make your real life even more MTV-esque, you could always drop some cash at Ikea.
Well effing put. It never ceases to amaze me how stupid people can be about the education system in this country. EVERYTHING revolves around education. Every job requires some form of schooling. Hell, just functioning in society requires schooling. Yet we cut and cut and cut money and jobs and benefits away from the academic world like it doesn’t matter - when, really, it’s impacting EVERYTHING. Gimme your family friend’s number, I’d like a word with him…
Condescending prig! I mean that is the best possible way. Real job? He wouldn’t last five minutes in front of a classroom.
Ugh. ugh about your migraine, ugh about your family “friend.” Hope you feel better on all fronts soon, Dingo!
I hate when people refer to “the real world.” Every aspect of life is basically “the real world.”
Is there any possible way to invite him to substitute for your class for one or two days? And, if possible, have the “Real World” camera crew follow him around for said day? I think that would be highly entertaining television.
Yes, just YES, but especially this part:
I love 7 out of 10 of my students. The other three students I consider character building experiences.
Yes.
You tell ‘em! What would we do without teachers that actually gave a shit about their students?
Hear, hear! Imagining a world without teaching sends shivers up my spine (but then again stupid people have always been my pet peeve ).
Y’all are wonderful. I can’t thank you enough.
O.G. — Thanks for visiting and letting me know you are out there. I’ll be over to check out your site pronto! I love teaching and I find that I learn so much from my students. I never want to stop teaching or learning. I guess that makes me a professional student.
Ms H — In just the few hours since I’ve submitted the grades I’ve gotten at least five students asking for extra credit and wondering why their grades weren’t higher. One student started her email with, “I know I wasn’t in class very much...”
MTAE — I’ll have to keep that in mind. Maybe I can make it an extra credit assignment.
saratogajean — I think holes in towels are just to help them dry faster after you use them. I will gladly share my Coors Light with you.
Ree — I raged and vented to Mr. Dingo before sitting down to write after the phone call. I felt much better afterward.
Lyvvie — I keep telling myself that he only wants the best for me. We have two very different ideas of what “the best” is. I resent being treated like a child.
thecoconutdiaries — Hmmm, without any of the aforementioned skills, I don’t think you can get a reality show. Well, there might be a spot for you on The Surreal Life.
k8 — It sounds like we both made decisions that made us happier and healthier. Good for us! And congrats again on two years!!
Kori — I am jealous! Pick me up in your private jet and whisk me away to the Caribbean. Oh wait. You were joking. Damn. I need to make some rich friends.
Crissy — True.
Ms Darkstar — My grandmother was so disappointed when I went to law school. She wanted me to do something useful. She was an elementary school teacher. She passed away several years ago but I would like to think that she’s proud of the decisions that I’ve made.
Noelle — Mmmm....Ikea cinnamon rolls. I never make it to the furniture.
Mel Heth — It really chaps my ass to see the short shrift we give to education and then stand around scratching our heads when our kids can’t read or think.
Tara R. — Believe it or not, he used to substitute teach. But he stopped because the kids were rude, disruptive, and disrespectful. Some people substitute because full time teaching jobs are actually hard to come by (with all the budget cuts). Some people substitute teach just to make extra money. I think the kids know the difference. That’s not to say that I don’t get my share of the pain in the asses, but generally, kids know if you really want to be there or not.
April — My migraine is actually much, much better. Thank goodness! Thanks for the good wishes April.
Summer — That’s what I say! Unless you are Paris Hilton or Brad Pitt, I think we all slog our way through the real world.
GeekHiker — Will there be one of those confessional booths?
Mrs. Chili — I meant it. And whoever I don’t kill, well yes, dealing with them makes me stronger.
Megkathleen — I have so many wonderful role models. I hope to continue to grow as a teacher and educator. I think the best thing we can give our kids is a thirst for knowledge, curiosity, and confidence.
Marjolein — Teaching is undervalued because the best teachers make it look easy and the worst teachers make it look even easier.
I always try to save your posts for the end of the day, so I have something waiting amongst all the other b.s. “Get an online degree in two weeks” emails, and as usual I’m not disappointed.
Part of me wishes you would send this to that lovely family member, but I understand why that might not be a good idea.
Anyway, those sentences and text speak would send me over the edge. What are they thinking? Very tricky on the procrastination, by the way.
justrun — Every semester I give a lecture about appropriate communication with your professors. It goes in one earphone stuffed ear and stays there. They just don’t get it.
Have I mentioned lately that I love you?
Just in case I hadn’t, I do.
Shelly — Mwah!
Supercilious jerk. Is he my cousin?
Your world doesn’t get much more real, or fulfilling - doing something that makes you WANT to get up, challenges the crap out of you, and let’s not forget inspires some damn fine blogging. Glad your migraine retreated from making you miserable- hey, do you at least get the neato light show before the pain hits? That bit was always my favorite. Certainly not the need to hide in wells and other dark places.
Aren’t the parents supposed to be responsible for all that stuff? That’s quite a burden, it’s like parenting x 30! He sounds like the guy that told my friend Barb she was wasting her education by staying at home with her kids.
Yeah! Damn “The Hills!”
(Still, as much as I’m with you on this, I miss teaching.)
O’Mama — I don’t get the light show for some reason. I do get the feeling that my eyes are about to pop out of my head. This is different from when my students make my eyes pop out of my head. Close, but not the same.
Memarie Lane — Parents! Ha! Where do you think these students get these attitudes from?
Greg — Hi Greg! Thanks for stopping by! Teaching is amazing, isn’t it? For as much as I bitch about certain aspects of it, I wouldn’t want to do anything else. Except sit by a pool somewhere and order another umbrella drink.
Oh, Dingo. I admire your ability to climb up on that soapbox and holler, even with a vicious migraine. I often take out my soapbox but I’m just too damn tired to climb up on it, so away it goes. And then I write about trivia instead. So pathetic.
I have a box full of catalogs on Master’s programs I have considered, only to never do anything about it. Why? Stupid “real world”.
So what you’re saying is that I wasted my tree fitty?
Tress — That stupid real world. But, I take it that being in the real world, you are making the big bucks like the rest of the Innernetz.
Shania — I’m sure you got a pretty DIplomA to hang on your wall.
y u h8 mtv? haha. just having a few of the kids get excited about a book makes me love my crap-paying job. you go girl.
ps - u r a qt
I was still imagining you all green and red for Christmas and New Years when you went all rantastic on your homeboys ass. But what a good set down you were very elegant and poignant. I feel your pain, I write curriculum then have to defend it and explain it while the Dean of the college looks down upon the lowly training secretary who, ahem, has no degree to speak of at the moment. Teachers ROCK. (I just had to say that.)
blakspring — I love seeing kids excited about reading. Sometimes, though, I would be happy if they just read their syllabus.
Toe — Hey, lady! Meanwhile, if your Dean actually had to write the curriculum, she would be at your desk ever five seconds asking for help/advice. Next time your Dean say something snarky, punch her in the eye. Don’t forget to recite Shakespeare while doing it.
YES! Well said! In my opinion, being a teacher is the most admirable profession. It takes guts to do it well, and you’re doing it even better.