New Addition
We have a new addition to the Dingo family. No, not that type of addition. For the love of Todd, people! Don’t you think I would’ve said something if Mr. Dingo and I were expecting? Something like, “Save Me!” or “For Christ Sake, How Did This Happen?!” No, our new addition is of the feathered variety. I’m just going to lay it all out there. It’s a pigeon. Now before you get your panties in a bunch and revoke my New York City citizenship, let me explain.
Like all TRUE New Yorkers, I hate pigeons. But this pigeon, well, he’s special. You see, being a runt, his mama kicked him to the curb, which in this case, means our terrace. And there he sat looking up at the nest where his Mama and his fat fuck of a brother sat eating and lounging in pigeon luxury as he cried out, “Cheep, cheep, cheep! Mama, I’m hungry!” and “Cheep, cheep, cheep, Mama, I’m scared!” It tore my heart out how excited he would get when his Mama would come out of her pigeon penthouse (the abandoned air conditioner unit from the apartment upstairs) only to have her ignore him and even chase him away. I am tearing up thinking about it right now. And so, I decided to feed him. At least give him a chance to grow up to be the ugly, disease-infested vermin he was meant to be.
I refused to name him until I was sure he would live. Having a dead baby pigeon on our terrace would be bad enough, having a dead baby pigeon that I named and anthropomorphized would be worse.
Don’t ask me how Mr. Dingo got him to eat. It was a Christmas miracle fluke. It took a while but once he realized that the crumbs Mr. Dingo and I spread before him like a sumptuous buffet at The Luxor was food, he began to eat with relish. In fact, if Mr. Dingo and I are a late with his breakfast or dinner, he bangs on the terrace door with his wings until we come out. So, he’s going to live and I decided to name him. Innernetz, I’d like to introduce you to McJagger.
Dingo Girl has learned that she is to chase all pigeons except for McJagger off the terrace. McJagger has no fear of Dingo Girl or of me and Mr. Dingo. He often hops onto our laps to make sure we really are out of bread and not just putting one over on him and he’ll dart toward a piece of bread to get to it before Dingo Girl does. And Not a Dingo? McJagger is not afraid of her either – bravado or stupidity, I’m not sure. Mr. Dingo and I make sure we leave the terrace door cracked open enough to give her a peek at her foster brother but not enough so that she can pounce. And pounce she would. She eyeballs him through the door and licks her lips.
McJagger’s next obstacle is learning how to fly. He doesn’t fly. He flops. He executes leaps worthy of Michael Jordan (without the grace and style) before landing in a hail of feathers and fluff. But he doesn’t fly. He crashes into walls. He falls off the banister. He hops around the terrace like one of those wind-up chicks and Easter eggs that are popular every Spring. Mr. Dingo has pulled off the miracle of teaching McJagger to eat. I’m waiting to see how he teaches our newest addition how to fly.
I started this post with the intention of writing about my encounter with the hostile Pigeon Lady that menaces the neighborhood and ended up introducing you to our newest family member. I’ll write about Pigeon Lady another day – if I’m not arrested for grinding her bones to meal and feeding them to her feathered legions first.
Posted on Monday, August 18, 2008 at 10:23 AM.
Tags: City Wildlife, Dingo Girl, Not a Dingo
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Comments & Trackbacks
I admire you for your giving ways. McJagger may never fly--and you’ll have a pigeon of your very own...forever.
That would make me happy, since I get really attached to my pets.
You are a brave, brave woman. And also clearly much more kind hearted than I; my ex husband had two rats. A COUPLE. Who promptly popped out about 54 baby rats. Needless to say, the feral cats of the hood were quite pleased.
Awwe! I think your family is complete now. Actually, you should get a fish and name him Keith Richards.
When I was getting ready for the prom, my dad rescued a baby dove in our front yard. There’s something very touching about saving baby birds...you’re a good person, Dingo.
Shelly — I would love to keep him. I have gotten attached to him already. I’ve already told Mr. Dingo that if we move, the bird comes with us.
Kori — Rats! Oh to the hell NO!
Mel Heth — Well, actually, we already have a squirrel that comes sits on our kitchen sill and demands nuts. Mr. Dingo orders 50lbs of nuts at a time and Pinky, the squirrel, will chatter at the window until we open it. He’ll sit on the inside ledge and eat or take nuts from our hand and eat. I think a fish is outta the question—I don’t have to clean up after McJagger and Pinky.
um...dingo? you let him on your lap? I was soooo with you until that part.
HAHA! I love it! This is so something I would do. You should just get a cage and keep him/her as a pet! Give McJagger some crumbs for me and maybe I can take you up on your offer for an NYC visit and meet him myself! haha.
I LOVED this story, Dingo. It’s little moments like these that make NYC special. I can’t believe he jumps in your laps. What a personality McJagger has. 
sunny — But he’s so sweet!
MsCatalysta — Come winter, I’m not sure what we’re going to do about him. He doesn’t have sense to come out of the cold. I’ll give him crumbs for you!
Jen of a2eatwrite — He is definitely a personality, especially when he and Dingo Girl chase the other birds from our terrace. He acts very brave.
I can’t believe his own mother ditched him :( Lame! But I’m glad you took him in. I actually haven’t encountered any tame wildlife since leaving PSU and our famed (and ballsy!) squirrels!!
Plus, I’m glad you are interacting better with McJagger than you did with the gecko. Though, given his young age, he seems WAY less gross.
Heh - be careful, there. The Best Friend has a parrot and to say that that bird is high maintenance is the understatement of the century.
But I simply have to know: what part does Dolly Parton play in this tale?!?!
You wacky Nu yawker with a great big heart, you! Heck, if that bird, sorry McJagger, brings joy to the Dingos, mazel tov!
stealthnerd — The difference is that I adopted McJagger. The gecko tried to adopt me against my will and paid the price.
GeekHiker — Dude! It’s Vegas! It’s not just the home of Elvis impersonators anymore. Dolly Parton’s real and otherwise roam those brightly lit streets.
O’Mama — I’m a sucker for the underdog underbird. And yes, he does make me happy. Just this morning there was a big bird out there trying to pick on him and I ran out there like a mama bear. No one picks on the Dingos and gets away with it!
And yet, I thought that you’d name him “WingeDingo”.
Awwwwwwwww. Sucker.
Awwww...a pet baby pigeon. I can’t wait til McJagger finds his soulmate and you have a flock of McJaggers. Wouldn’t that be exciting?!
Ree — Ha! That’s hilarious! It’s a good name, but you really should see him strut about the terrace like it’s his stage.
justrun — Yes, I am. He’s as ugly as sin but my heart went out to him. All my furry (and feathered) friends are rescues.
Megkathleen — Exciting is not the word I would apply to that situation. If that happened, he’d have to find another place to live with his brood. I’m afraid that McJagger will live with us (in a basement if we had one) and play World of Warcraft for the rest of his life. But a mother can dream, can’t she?
hahaha. aww. it’s kind of a sweet story really.
McJagger makes me think of McLovin and now I can’t stop laughing.
I knew you’d find a great name for him!
brookem — We’ll see how sweet it is when the rest of the Dingo household contracts Legionaries disease from contact with him. For now, I feel good about saving him.
blakspring — Heee! Well, if he gets a girlfriend like Megkathleen suggested, we may have to have a name change.
April — I like the name McJagger but Ree came up with an excellent one as well. Maybe I’ll have to adopt another pigeon just to use that name!
Too stinking funny! McJagger? Dare I ask where that name came from? You clearly such a fantasmagorical mom, even to the wild life! Since a fish is out of the question, maybe you need a deer to meet in Central Park for snacks. I think my favorite part of your story was the “fat fuck of a brother”, but what kind of a mother does McJagger have if she’s totally ignoring him? Sheesh!
I can just see her smoking a ciggy up there while she’s on disability and the ff of a brother is on welfare/unemployment wiling away his days as a momma’s boy while she fatten’s him up. All the while, his arteries will clog from the crap she’s feeding him, he’ll die an untimely death, leaving her to wonder what ever happened to her sweet boy McJagger, who could now be supporting her and taking out her trash. Her loss. What goes around comes around.
Oh man! I agree with Jenny above....the fat fuck of a brother made me spill my coffee down my shirt. What a poor pigeon! This will be a Disney movie in no time because he will eventually learn to fly, but then he’ll come back to you every night and sleep on your pillow. Then you won’t see him for a while and then he’ll come back with a wife and they’ll raise their kids on your terrace. Yes!!!
Jenny — The name McJagger is from a post I wrote last month. (http://www.asiwassaying.com/index.php/aiws/more/ive_gathered_moss/) It seemed appropriate to dubb our squab McJagger after seeing him strut across the terrace like a superstar once he figured out how to eat. And fie on his mother, I say! Now, he’ll be supporting me in my old age and taking out my trash! And I must say, I like your Sundance Film Channel version of McJagger’s life.
jane — His brother is HUGE! I don’t know how he fits in the luxury pigeon suite upstairs. When we first started feeding McJagger, Fat Fuck would come over and try to take his food—even after he’d just finished mooching off his mama!
I love that you now have a pigeon. Just be careful, he may start doing cocaine off your toilet seats. I bet his strut is awesome though.
This is the tale that the entire world needs to hear of. I suggest you sell the rights to this story to Disney and have Morgan Freeman narrate. Because I would fall in love with a movie about orphans being beaten with candy canes if Morgan Freeman’s voice was the one doing the talking.
I agree Brandy, or James Earl Jones. . . Maybe even Sam Elliot. Sadly, I just like to listen to his beef commercials, and I’ll gladly go camping/rving because Tom Selleck says I should.
Anywho. . .
Oh and p.s. I was totally thinking this was going to be a post about New Edition when I read the title. Cause who doesn’t love 80s boy bands?!?
This is like a made-for-TV movie! Next thing you know, you’ll be teaching McJagger to talk, soliciting donations on Good Morning America to send him to college, where he is ostracized for not looking like his parents and generally being different, the ravens will make fun of him. But he will propel himself to Bill Gates-like fame, develop a drug habit, and end up right back on your doorstep begging for crumbs.
Lemme know how it turns out.
Rachel — I’m pretty sure he’s already on coke. He flies like he’s on something. I’m not sure if he sings. If he does, I’m signing him up for American Idol auditions. He’ll sing something from New Edition.
brandy — Morgan Freeman! Oh, that would be awesome. I’d listen to Morgan Freeman read package inserts on Monistat.
Jenny — Ooohhh, I love Tom Selleck. Although I’d want video for that as well. He can wear his little Magnum, P.I. shorts.
thecoconutdiaries — If we send him to college, will you write recommendations for him so he can join a fraternity? Maybe POOP - Phraternal Order of Pigeons. He’ll get kicked out for hazing and turn to a life of drugs and booze. Dingo Girl and Not a Dingo will stage an intervention and then he’ll write a bestseller about his recovery that lands him on Ophrah’s Book Club. The book will be revealed to be an overembellished fraud and he will once again slink away in infamy and land right back on my doorstep begging for crumbs. I’ll let you know how it turns out.
and if it doesn’t work out I hear people make rather tasty pies out of them. I would up the spices though..
Maybe you are creating a whole new race of superpigeons with McJagger!
OMG!!!
Congratulations on the new addition to your family!
I think it’s wonderful what you’re doing for that poor little birdie.
It makes me love you even more…
Congratulations on your new bundle of joy! Do not believe everything you read in those new agey How To Raise a Pigeon books out there - all McJagger needs is a lotta lovin’ and a little salt and pepper for flavor...Oh. Sorry. Maybe just the lovin’.
Kelley — So, I should scratch you off my list of babysitters birdsitters?
nancypearlwannabe — Non-flying pigeons? We’ll need to work on flying before we can even think of superpigeon powers.
Crissy — Thanks, Crissy! Thanks for da’ luv.
Tress — So much work to do. I have to find pre-schools, summer camp, after flock activities.
Of course I will write his letter of recommendation. But I am warning you that I may have to sue you guys if and when he becomes famous as it will be my letter that actually gets him to college. And McJagger would be nowhere without me. I’m his P. Diddy.
Look what I found just for you Dingo!
thecoconutdiaries — You drive a hard bargain, woman! Puffy, Puff Daddy, Diddy, P. Diddy—that’s a lot to put on a business card.
Jenny — You just made my day!! And reminded me that I need to call and make my next wax appointment.
While I am the teenaged-son-driver’s-ed-mom of The Year, you’re on your own with the whole flight training. I got nothing.
Heh.
Tara R. — I think the task of teaching him to fly is less daunting than being in a car with a teenage driver. But, I am looking forward to the day that McJagger begs me for the keys to the car. Go, fly, be free, little one!
Mrs. Chili — Exactly.
From one true NY-er to another: you’ll rescue anything, won’t’cha?
I have a couple of non-Dingoes that would love to babysit for McJagger…
If you had to title his life story, what would it be?
Marian — Correction. I would rescue almost anything. Spiders, snakes, and other non-cuddly creatures are on their own.
Jenny — McJagger is having some issues with flying right now. His life story has yet to be written but I think this chapter would definitely be called, “On a Deformed Wing and a Prayer.”
we are soooo on the same blogging schedule right now, dingo.
I love his name! absolutely hilarious.
sunny — Trying to figure out a way to work blogging into my syllabus.
Maxie — Although he struts like Jagger, he flies like Keith Richards on cocaine.