Now, Honestly!
I know most of you are going to scroll down to the end just to see who won the Dan Aykroyd wine giveaway. Just make sure you come back up here and read the rest of the post because I talk all about me!
One year ago today, As I Was Saying was born. What started out as a writing blog where I could wax eloquent about my thoughts and my life turned into a blog where I write about waxing. And hair cuts, clueless students, weird running companions, and other odd people in my life. It’s been fun and at times cathartic. But the best thing about blogging has been (everyone get your hankies out) meeting you, Innernetz. Thanks for sticking around. Thanks for your comments and emails. Thanks for your support and encouragement. And, when I needed to hear it, thanks for telling me to “Shut the fuck up already! You think you have it so hard? There are starving children in Africa and moose running from rabid-incoherent-VP-wannabe-hockey-moms-with-high-powered-rifles-in-helicopters who have real problems!” So, yeah, thanks for that. Keep on keepin’ it real, Innernetz!
It’s been a great good interesting year overall, but it has been a fabulous year of blogging. I’ve won quite a few awards including some I have not mentioned yet. I was recently listed at Blogtrepenuer as one of the 100 Must Read Blogs . . . Written by Women! I’m excited! Thrilled! Honored! There are some great blogs on the list in several categories so pop over there and check them out.
And April at It’s All About Balance has also given me some cyberbling — the Honest Scrap Award. You know how I feel about honesty. It’s always the best policy if you don’t think you can get away with lying. We’re supposed to list ten honest things about ourselves but I’m only going to list two.
• My poop is green. Yes, green. Remember my ode to Mr. Dingo’s Red Velvet Cake? Alas, it was not to be. I searched the entire grocery store for red food coloring. All they had was blue. There was an entire shelf devoted to blue food coloring. I suppose it’s the overstock from all the Obama baking. But really, they need to stock the red now. Can’t we all just get along?
So, Blue Velvet it was. Except that when we poured the blue food coloring into the cake batter, it turned green. Not pretty Spring time green. No, this was someone-left-the-cheese-in-the-fridge-too-long green. It was Shrek with food poisoning green. But the cake was good and the frosting was heavenly. And I ate half of it in one night. The next morning my poop was green. I asked Mr. Dingo to come look but he wouldn’t. I then asked him if his poop was green. He said that he hadn’t checked but since he only had one slice to my ten, his poop probably wasn’t green. Do people poop red after eating Red Velvet Cake? You just know that someone somewhere is receiving a government grant to research just this issue.
Hmmm, maybe this is one of those stories where I should’ve lied. Mr. Dingo made Red Velvet Cake. It was good. The end.
• I dumpster dive in my own trash. Remember my stinky shoes? Innernetz, when your shoes are in the bedroom closet and you can smell them in the living room, it’s time to throw them away. So I did. Days passed. It rained. It snowed. I wore boots. And then…then, the sun came out. The clouds parted, flowers bloomed, children laughed, and angels sang. And I didn’t have appropriate too-warm-for-boots-not-yet-warm-enough-for-flip-flops footwear. What’s a Dingo to do?!
I’ll tell you what she does, she rummages to the bottom of the trash and takes her stinky shoes from under layers of funk, egg shells, and coffee grinds. Perfect! I don’t even think they stink anymore. The competing offensive aromas canceled each other out and all I smell is, well, nothing. Dingo Girl has been acting odd, however. When I take my good as new old shoes off, Dingo Girl immediately tries to bury them or rolls on them with squeaks and groans of ecstasy. She does the same thing when we’re at the park and she finds a three-day dead pigeon. She’s just weird like that.
So, those are my two Honest Scrap offerings. After those two, I can’t imagine that you’d want to know any more.
And now, what you’ve all been waiting for….the winner of the I’m a Bitch, You’re a Lush Giveaway…..The Coconut Diaries! This was her winning foot-in-mouth anecdote:
Me: I hate taking aerobics classes with these college students. I feel so old!
Lady: I know what you mean. (uncomfortable silence). You know, I was really excited about Obama’s win. It’s like the first time I can remember being so moved by a president.
Me: Really? Even more than Kennedy?
Lady: Well, I was 3 then.
That just cracked me up. Coconut Diaries, I’m surprised you didn’t show her some of your own high-impact moves.
Shelly certainly gets an honorable mention for:
As a 20 yr old, working at her first Big Girl job, I was a bookkeeper, office ‘girl’/apartment/duplex manager for a construction guy.
There was this lady who has all sorts of personal problems that was going to move out of a duplex. A second lady wanted said duplex. I called Lady #1 to get the scoop of her time frames (of moving out) and got the latest tale of woe about her divorce and I am certain other devastation in her life. I proceeded to call lady #2 to tell her that she couldn’t have the duplex for a while...and immaturely recounted EVERY DETAIL of this poor lady #1’s dismal life.......being all cute and gossipy, you know?
As it turned out, my airheaded 20 year old self actually dialed the FIRST number on my list (which belonged to lady #1) and of course her name was next to the number so unthinkingly I asked for her....and recounted her OWN SORRY LIFE BACK TO HER........yea...so much for cute and gossipy.
Thanks to everyone for participating! Please drink to another year of As I Was Saying and to good friends, good food, and green poop.
Posted on Thursday, February 19, 2009 at 08:08 PM.
Tags: Contests, Dingo Girl, Blogging, La Vida Loca, Smoking, Drinking, and other Vices
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Comments & Trackbacks
Green poop....hee hee hee hee!
Happy Blogiversary (is that a word? It is now, dammit)! Looking forward to reading more adventures over the course of the next twelve months!
Happy Blogoversary! Hope you will have many more! I’ve enjoyed everything so far (and your pictures are always GREAT!!)
And congrats on the mention on 100 Must Read Blogs . . . Written by Women!
Red velvet cake = Red, well, you know. Confirmed. 
Congrats, congrats! Happy blogging anniversary!
I will be in NYC next month, I expect you to save me some blue velvet.
The shoes in the trash cracked me up...congratualtions on your year!!!!
Why?? Why do they roll on gross stuff? My herd will try to roll the back of their heads on the most disgusting things ever.
Um, not that your shoes are gross or disgusting.
Congrats on all the attention for your blog!
I cannot even believe that I missed your contest announcement. How is that possible? I blame Google Reader. Since I started using it I just don’t concentrate as much when reading blogs because I see all the other new entries just waiting for me. Ugh. I hate myself because this was supposed to be my SURE THING.
Oh, and, no offense intended, but if we ever meet, please buy new shoes for the occasion.
Happy Dingo-versary!!!
We need to observe a moment of silence for MY favorite stinkyshoes. They were a pair of leather mules from Eddie Bauer, with JUST enough heel that I didn’t feel Short—and yet could still WALK.....and I LOVED them. We’re talking run-through-a-field-of-wildflowers LOVED them. We’re talking a-big-fat-Snickers-bar-when-you’re-in-the-throes-of-PMS LOVED them. Ya feelin’ me?
Sadly, they weren’t so good at returning the love. Alas, they only returned the funk.
Eventually there was no more avoiding the funk. I accepted the fact that there was no way to move my feet further away from my nose....I stopped growing a LONG-ass time ago....so the shoes had to take the Big Adios.
Alas, I still miss them.
Too much Boo Berry cereal will ALSO turn your poop green. Just in case anyone wanted to know that.
HAPPY ANNIVERSARY, Dingo!!!!
and, um......I’d like to ask HOW IN THE WORLD Funyuns and V-8 juice can be NASTY, when there is dumpster recovery of dead shoes? How does my snack combo even COMPARE to the shoes?
Just sayin’.
Congrats on your blogoversary! I look forward to reading even more. 
My dogs roll in gross stuff too - they get their back into it! Mangy little beasts.
Congrats on one year of blogging! And I also missed the contest announcement. Google Reader is SLACKING.
Damn you are funny Those pics you do just add to your fun here! Congrats on the blogoversary (sp?)
Happy (now a day late, sorry about that) blogaversary!
Oh Dingo, I missed you. I love the stinky shoe story. And to answer your burning red velvet cake question, yes it turns your poop red. My sister has a delightful story about my brother-in-law beckoning her to the bathroom in a complete panic because he thought he was bleeding internally. The end.
okay, I’m sending you money for shoes. Too bad my mom is not your mom. That story would have yielded you at least two new pairs. Oy vey!
Jules — Don’t you think Mr. Dingo should’ve checked his poop as well? How can I conduct scientific observations with an unwilling subject?
Mr. POSSLQ — Thanks, POSSLQ!
Ms Darkstar — Thanks for reading, Darkstar. I really enjoy putting the pictures together. I’m glad you like them.
Reagan — I knew it! I knew it!
justrun — I can’t wait until you get here! Email me the details!
MTAE — Recycling is good for the environment. Next time I see Mr. Environmentalist, I’m going to shove my stinky shoes in his face. “See! I care about the environment!”
Shania — I don’t know why they do it but it’s nasty. When I give her a bath she immediately wants to roll in something foul-smelling. Some days it’s an endless cycle.
Jules — Google Reader is a blessing and a curse. I’ll have other giveaways, I promise. And for you, I will wear something that doesn’t smell like Eau D’Road Kill.
Ms. H — Your story brought a tear to my eye. I’m not sure if it’s from the thought of the funk or you sadness at letting them die a noble death. Let’s just say it was sadness and leave it at that.
Shelly — See! I knew someone else had to be looking at their poop.
Marjolein — Thanks, M! Hey, have you had a chance to do any of the activities in the workbook you won in the last giveaway?
Lauren — So, I take it that if we got our dogs together for a play date, we’d have to plug our noses?
sara.jane — Thanks, girl!
stealthnerd — Good wishes are always welcome; even a day late.
Mel Heth — Ha! Did she laugh at him or just serve him another slice?
Jessica — Your mom and I definitely need to meet! We can bond over shoes and then I can become the favorite daughter. We’ll send you postcards from the mall.
I didn’t post a story because, quite frankly, I had no desire to win a bottle of wine even if it is from you. No offense. But the winning entry reminded me of the day I was exercising at Curves with a bunch of old ladies, and they started talking about the new Rocky movie that was coming out. Like the thoughtless child I am, I blurted loudly,
“They’re making ANOTHER one? EEUUUWWW! Isn’t Sylvester Stallone like, ANCIENTLY old by now?”
There was a brief icy silence, and then the conversation changed. During that silence I realized that perhaps I should have kept my personal dislike of their youthful heartthrob to myself.
But seriously, a 50+-year-old boxer? HA! Plus, I just really don’t like the guy. He’s arrogant and he’s got a face like a train wreck.
I hope no old ladies are reading this.
Your honesty is strangely intriguing and very much more entertaining than “we ate cake..the end”.
I’ve found that my running shoes are starting to..ummm..mature also. I will have to try your method of deodorizing. It will be nice to give the dogs something to do when I’m away.
Geez. Those were both funny stories. Green poop? Hmmm… Congrats on the blog attention. Of course, we knew all along how great you were! Now don’t forget about the little people!
Yeah! My inability to filter the stuff that comes out of my mouth finally pays off. Who to thank? First, my parents, for not teaching me that every thought in my mind race does not need to cross the finish line that is my mouth. Second, to Barack Obama for providing white strangers with a conversation opener that does not involve my hair-thus making this win possible. And finally, to Dingo, who I wish lived closer to me so we can share this bottle of wine.
Happy Weekend, y’all!
Happy Blogoversary!! Now you have an excuse to eat more red velvet cake. Not just to celebrate but also to see if it turns your poop red.
FreedomFirst — No offense taken, I thought about offering a copy of Blues Brothers for those who don’t drink, but I couldn’t in good conscience give that piece of crap away, especially since Dingo Girl likes to roll in it every day. And I have had that experience of having my heart throbs dissed many times—except it’s from my students who don’t know anything about Shaun Cassidy. What is this world coming to when people laugh at my tales of my bell bottoms silk screen with Shaun Cassidy’s face! They should envy me, I tell you! Envy me!
Toe — “Mature” or “ferment” applies to both wine and shoes. One, however, is much more pleasant than the other.
Summer — I will never forget the little people. I will serve red and green velvet cake at my award ceremony. There’s going to be an award ceremony, right?
thecoconutdiaries — Send me your address so I can send you the wine. You should also see if your grocery store has blue food coloring so you can make delicious Obama baked goods to eat with your wine. And since we don’t live close enough to share the wine, how about I drink some, re-cork it and then send it. It will be just like friendship bread!
A year? WOW. congrats. and cherry koolaid will make your poop green too. And cheerios will make it sandy. And oreos will look like blood. And I am disgusted that I know ANY of this.
What? You mean he didn’t even look at his poop? How could he not have even looked at it? I say you will just have to redo the whole science experiment! I do teach science you know, it may be 5th grade, but it is still science.
Seriously...I thought everyone looks at their poop......
Kori mdash; So are you the one receiving a government grant to research all this?
Jules — He looked and he was in the clear. It must’ve been the 10:1 ratio but I want an ongoing investigation.
I just want you to know I drank about 1263 toasts to As I Was Saying last night.
Please send aspirin.
Happy birthday, AIWS! Also, those conversations cracked me up.
Happy Blogoversary! One of these days we have to figure out how to spell it.
1st anniversary congratulations! On the blogosphere does that translate to getting a new keyboard to replace the one you’ve worn out making us laugh and relate and wonder with you?
Ree — Way to go! Aspirin is on its way!
nancypearlwannabe — The anecdotes were hilarious. I’m happy to know that I’m not the only one who does stuff like that.
April — Green poop and stinky shoes — I bet that’s the last time you ask me to list honest things about myself.
Laura — I think someone needs to come up with traditional blogoversary gifts like we have for wedding anniversaries. It will take all the guessing out of what y’all are supposed to send me.
Happy Blogoversary!! Mazel Tovs to you on the well-deserved acclaim, too!
No photo of the green cake of the gods, the grinch- and shrek-colored dessert of wonder? Sigh. Isn’t amazing how what we eat can have such a dramatic effect on our, UM, how the results of our eating weird stuff can cause amusing and unexpected results?
Red beets, which I don’t eat all that often, always make me, for one split second, consider calling 911 on account of RED poo and pee.
yay dingo - happy anniversary and congrats on the awards. your shoe story was really gross. seriously. and they used to call me gutter girl back in the day. does the innernetz need to start a dingo shoe fund?
I nominated you for the ‘Your Blog is Fabulous’ Award because it is. And you are. Stop by and check it out.
Happy Anniversary Dingo! May you have many more.
Congratulations on your first year! I think I can now admit that I’ve always been secretly jealous of the fact that you’re so much more of an amazing writer than I could ever hope to be!
The Blue Velvet totally reminded me of Bridget Jones’ Diary when she makes the blue string soup. Ah-mayzing!
XD
Happy blogoversary! I only dream to be as popular as you one day blog-wise. That is if I don’t become some famous actor first. Here’s hoping! Haha.
...yeah right… 8}
How did I miss this for like three days?
I clearly suck.
Happy blogiversary there hot stuff!!
Despite the fact that I come late to the party almost every damn time I just adore you!
And those stories were awesome!
happy bloggoversary...I’m off to check my poop…
O’Mama — Red beets?! I once had a friend who went on a carrot and orange juice diet. After about three weeks her skin took on a jaundiced hue. It was not attractive.
blakspring — Maybe I should have these shoes bronzed and placed on my mantel.
Jules — Gurl! Thanks! You know, your blog is fabulous as well.
Underblawger — Hi UB. I’ve missed you!
GeekHiker — *blush* Thanks for the compliment. What did I tell you about kissing up to the teacher? It only works if it’s accompanied by chocolate!
Kazuki — You do realize that you just admitted to watching a chick flick, don’t you? You are so metrosexual.
rosie — Report back to me!
Sorry I have been gone so long. Shoot me an email let me know how everything is going. I had a half-marathon on May 2nd. But only running a mile at a time ....probably wont happen anytime soon. I hope your having better success
Congrats on your one year anniversary! The traditional first anniversary gift is paper, and I think the modern first anniversary gift is xanax. I hope you get both!
Katie — Hi Katie! So glad you are back! If by “better success” you mean sitting on my couch and watching Grey’s Anatomy, you would be right.
Hillary — Ooooohh! I like your anniversary gift list! From now on, you will be invited to all my -versaries!