Outrageous! (NSFW)
It’s not very often that I am outraged into silence. In fact, Outrage and I are old friends. Our get-togethers are spontaneous. Just last week during one of my training runs in eighty-degree heat I spotted numerous other runners with their canine companions. While such a sight would ordinarily turn my bitter, black, little heart to mush, the sight of faithful but overheated dogs with tongues touching the ground vainly trying to keep up with their oblivious owners made me angry. Before I knew it, Outrage decided to join me on my run. She’s very outspoken and often after she unleashes her vitriol on the deserving imbecile, I slink away wishing that she had more tact. But this time, when I saw a beautiful Chocolate Lab stumble to the ground with his eyes rolled back into his head, I let Outrage have her way. Running over to the poor creature (taking two nanoseconds to stop my Nike Sports Band – hey! I’m in training!) I doused his head and neck with water from my water bottle. I poured more water on his chest and belly and called for other runners to immediately hand over their water as his owner stood by dumbfounded and useless. While I channeled my inner St. Francis and Florence Nightingale, Outrage channeled nothing. She has no inner bitch to channel. She’s all bitch and all business. Outrage gave the owner an earful about heat, running, dogs, selfishness and stupidity.
As I handed the owner a half-empty water bottle so that I could put my ear against her dog’s chest to make sure he was still breathing she actually tried to take a sip of water. Outrage put the kibosh on that,“Put that down! That is not for you, you ignorant twat! That’s for your dog!” The ignorant twat complied.
With a stern warning that the dog needed to get to the vet pronto because he was still in danger from heat stroke and a threat that if she ever saw the owner running with that dog and no water she would report her for animal cruelty (Outrage got the dog’s license number off his tag), Outrage let the humbled and embarrassed owner go on her way. I stopped Outrage in time to prevent her from slapping the dumb bitch upside the head. Outrage sputtered and griped through the next half-hour of the run and then just as quickly as she appeared, she was gone. It was a beautiful day, a great run, and Mr. Dingo had promised that when I got home I was in for one of his incredible massages to ease my aching joints and muscles.
So this week has been somewhat of a surprise to me. Outrage has been by my side but she has been silent. Sure there have been things that have pissed me off this week. The clusterfuck that was the first week of school, the fact that our power went out on Saturday afternoon and neither the landlord or the super contacted us until THIS MORNING! come to mind immediately. But the truly outrageous happenings have had me walking around in a fog. I didn’t want to write. I couldn’t sleep. Reading, with my mind and emotions in turmoil, was futile. And what has Outrage been doing? She’s been wringing her hands. She’s been saying that nothing will, or can change, there’s nothing we can do, blah, blah, blah, blah. She’s been a great big whining pussy.
I’m sure you have been outraged this past week as well, right? Surely, the criminalization of dissent that occurred in St. Paul has you frothing at the mouth. You don’t know what I’m talking about? I don’t blame you. The mainstream media has been sickeningly silent on the unwarranted and often warrantless raids leading up to the Republican National Convention. Other bloggers have written about it in great detail and I urge you Google and to read about American citizens (including the elderly and the very young) peacefully exercising their right to dissent and being hauled away in handcuffs, unreasonably detained, and in at least one case tear-gassed by the KGB Gestapo St. Paul police force. Allegations that the police are lying about the items found in the protesters homes and vehicles are making the rounds of the blogs but not CNN, FoxNews, or my local networks. What? The police lie? You mean like how the police brutally injured a Critical Mass rider (yes, they are annoying and a pain in the ass, but still) stating that the cyclist tried to run him down until video aired showing that the cyclist was blindsided by the policeman? You mean those kinds of lies? What can you expect when our highest penal authority lies about weapons of mass destruction? Yes, “penal” still makes me giggle like a fourth grader but what doesn’t make me giggle is that our highest penal authority is a real dick.
The mainstream media doesn’t have the balls to air the violations of our right to protest and the independent media has been prevented from doing so.
But should we be surprised? We’ve condoned torture, kidnapping, and unlawful imprisonment. We’ve authorized unlawful wire taps, denied people the right to confront their accusers and we’ve made a sham of our Constitution. Outrage doesn’t know where to direct her rage. How can you bitch slap the violation of our principles when those violating those very principles are the same ones who took an oath to protect them?
All this outrage with no outlet has made me tired. Outrage is begging me to turn on the TV, tune into something trashy and mindless, and drop out of this whole mess. She doesn’t have the energy to muster pointed, snarky responses about McCain and Palin’s convenient use of choice as it applies to real or hypothetical unplanned pregnancies in their families as they deny choices to everyone else. She doesn’t have the energy to gnash her teeth at McCain’s obvious disdain for women and his belief that we will vote for anyone with a va-jay-jay. By the way, if you are voting for Palin because she has a va-jay-jay and you wanted Hillary Clinton in office you need to do your homework. Sarah Palin is no Hillary Clinton. If you vote with your va-jay-jay mark the date on your calendar because if anti-choice, anti-gay, anti-equal pay, anti-marriage equality McCain and Palin are in office, they will do their damnedest to make sure that your va-jay-jay vote is the last thing that you ever do that doesn’t require the approval of some white male.
I’d better go. Outrage is getting nervous. She keeps thinking that she hears jack-booted thugs coming up the steps to the apartment. Hell, she may be right. So, if you don’t hear from me again my dear Innernetz, I will send you a postcard from Gitmo. And remember, don’t take your dogs running in hot weather. Because if I find out that you do, after my waterboarding for being a subversive – which, since Bush and McCain don’t consider it torture, I must assume it’s one of the many luxurious spa treatments offered to political prisoners – Outrage and I will hunt you down and bitch slap you.
Posted on Tuesday, September 02, 2008 at 12:42 AM.
Tags: La Vida Loca
no trackbacks
Submit your trackback to http://www.asiwassaying.com/index.php/trackback/92/Vm75Yu18/
- Enjoy this post? Share it with others:
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
Comments & Trackbacks
oh please get out there and vote, Outrage, the rest of the world is counting on you. Especially those of us who do not seek approval from white males…
American society and politics scare me.
The stuff in St. Paul is so scary-- I wish the mainstream media would cover it more.
I do wish outrage would have bitch slapped stupid dogowner before abandoning you and taking up residence at my side. I’m sending her back now. I’m tired.
Penal makes you giggle too?
OMG!!! I can’t tell you how many hours I spent in 7th grade giggling over that word!
And you should have smacked that dumb bitch for almost killing her dog.
rosie — Hi Rosie! I am definitely voting and I am urging others to make informed voting decisions.
Marjolein — I believe we can turn things around. Yes we can!
Maxie — I wish more people knew about this. I keep telling my students they can make a difference in this world and I want to believe that’s true.
Shania — Outrage visited you as well? She’s making the rounds these days.
Crissy — You know what else makes me giggle? Pianist. Hee!
You know, *I* would like a dog. Maybe that dog would like to run with me more than its present owner. I go slow and never run in hot weather. I like water, and I share. How ‘bout passing on that license number? hint, hint. Otherwise good work.
I feel like I have to ask this entirely too often, but here I go again: does the Republican party think we’re idiots? Bait and switch? nuh, uh. Sorry.
It was all I could do to contain my Outrage last week. The dog thing would have sent me over the edge, but that is always true. As is with the media. Pissers.
Okay, I thought this week would be better, but clearly it’s a crap shoot.
Oh man, I totally get your Outrage. I’m so at a loss as to how any of this stuff is ever going to get fixed. At least you were able to help the dog. Small steps are the most fulfilling.
I have serious respect for you woman, and I think your Outrage is contagious.
First, you did right by that dog. I hate seeing people run their dogs into the ground. It IS animal cruelty and the woman deserved everything you said to her and more. Let’s see her put on a fur coat and go running in 80 degrees without water. Oh and the “t word?” (can’t type it, I’m at work) One of my very favorite words.
Second...oh never mind. I was going to rant about it, but it would take pages. Living in Alaska, I know firsthand about Palin. She scares me just as much as McCain
Thank you, thank you, thank you for saying what the eff has been on my mind. The Hubster is a Republican and has decided not to vote this year, so, for the first time, our votes aren’t canceling each other out!
What kind of moron is going to vote for McCain SIMPLY because he selected a woman VP? If you have your hands raised and you are against affirmative action, slap yourself in the face. No offense Alaska (that means you, Rachel) but how can a governor of a state with almost no people with less than 2 years of experience become qualified for the second highest position in our country? And I really don’t care what your families does behind closed doors (unless it’s funny) but you sure as shit can talk to me about abstinence when your 17-year-old daughter is knocked up. “Oh, but she’s marrying the guy!”. Really? Is this what we mean by marriage being so “sacred” that gays can’t do it??
Do I think Barack is going to turn everything around so quickly that we will all start crapping daisies, teachers will make more than Britney Spears, and the troops will come home to great jobs? Absolutely not. But at least he has the dignity not to touch the stuff the Palin’s family, the vision to want to see SOMEthing done, a plan for tackling the big issues, and the integrity to admit when he’s not right.
End. Rant.
P.S. Good thing you took those Pet CPR classes!
I have been in lala land since the RNC started and had no idea any of that was going on. Jesus Christ - that’s crazy!
Marian — I haven’t seen the dog around. I hope he’s okay and his owner is just trying to avoid me.
justrun — Unleash Outrage! Part of the outrage comes from feeling helpless. Sure, I could help the dog but there are so many issues that are out of my control. Do my donations really make a difference? Does blogging about them really make a difference? I mean, look what happens to people who try to make a difference?
Noelle — I keep telling my students to do what they can do to change their world. Ghandi was right when he said that we must be the change we want to see.
Rachel — If we could all get outraged and channel it into real change, wow!, wouldn’t that be something?!
thecoconutdiaries — So, is he not voting because a woman is on the ticket? I don’t imagine you letting him get away with something like that? I really feel for Bristol Palin. No sex ed, no choice, and now being forced (really, does anyone think they want to get married?) to marry at 17. And the day I make more than Britney Spears is the day I will fly all of my Innernetz friends to Cabo for a par-tay!
Megkathleen — Is LaLa land anywhere near St. Paul?
I love you. Not only for saving that dog (y’know...chocolate lab and all that), but for telling it like it is. For writing the post I have been trying to formulate in my head.
Oh, and apparently Bristol’s “fiance“‘s MySpace page was removed suddenly (but not before someone got a screen print of it). Let’s just say - the Repuglicans better get that boy with the program before too long.
DINGO IS BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
NSFW? I wanted to read this aloud in my office...maybe send my supervisors to Club Gitmo for a team-building exercise.
Not going there at all other than to say “well said.” I have been keeping company with Outraged myself, and am too tired to talk anymore.
Dingo- YES! This is why I think it’s so important to flex those first amendment rights and protest, petition, and stand up and say LOUDLY that we disagree.
AMEN COCO!
(p.s. not offended...fully agreeing with EVERYTHING you typed. And besides, I sure as heck didn’t vote her in. Oh and talk about living proof that abstinence only sex-ed doesn’t work. I feel bad for Bristol, but HA!)
First off: totally right on the dog issue. Dogs, bless them, can be stupidly loyal sometimes, following their owners right up to collapse. Personally, I think the owner should have been forced to run, without water, until they passed out from heatstroke, just so they’d know what it felt like…
Some cops are crooked? Really? You do remember I live in LA, right? LOL Still, I do feel the need to point out that the vast, vast majority of police are still good people trying to do the right thing in a hellishly stressful job. Sad that it only takes a few bad apples to ruin the bunch.
And if I vote with my va-jay-jay in November, I’m both in for some serious self-discovery and re-thinking of my life…
Ree — I really couldn’t write anything else until I just put this on paper/screen. And really, if we can’t take care of our animals with compassion, how do we expect that we’ll treat each other any better?
sunny — Yes, I am! Where are you?
saratogajean — You know how I’m all about letting the four-letters fly but I though “twat” might be pushing it for some office filters. I think at team building exercise at Gitmo is what is necessary for your supervisors. I’ll send them a brochure.
Kori — While Outrage can motivate us to action, she’s certainly a tiring bitch, isn’t she?
Rachel — Believe it or not, there are some who say we shouldn’t be allowed to protest. To them, I say, “Have fun in China!”
GeekHiker — Are you back or did you stop in a cyber cafe just to catch up on the exploits of l’il ol’ me?! You may be right about the police force but they seem awfully, AWFULLY reluctant to weed our their bad seeds. Didn’t you watch The Departed? Oh, and if you vote with your va-jay-jay I want to make the rounds of Oprah with you.
Me and my va-jay-jay would kinda like to be Outrage’s running mate if she ever goes into politics. The last time we had an election, I cried crocodile manatee sturgeon tears when they announced the winner. If McCain gets elected, he’ll probably die a year later and then we’ll be stuck with the beauty queen-come oil driller. And again, I will cry. No bueno.
I want to buy you a super hero cape and call you SuperDingo: Defender of Doggies Everywhere. You rule.
Mel Heth — If the super hero cape will take seconds off of my running time, I’m all for it. In pink, please.
Omg, I can’t believe you, or Outrage, didn’t absolutely KILL that dog owner. I would have choked her with the leash for trying to sip the water. Ohh man, that kills me!
Outrage has been hanging out with me this past week, too.
GREAT post. More will be coming from me soon, but I have to get through my first week of school, first.
“Do my donations really make a difference? Does blogging about them really make a difference?”
Dingo - my two cents - yes, and yes. It may be all you can control, but exercise that sphere of influence or - rather like muscles - it’ll never get bigger!
stealthnerd — I so wanted to strangle her, believe me! Unfortunately, I see a lot of people running with their dogs in heat. For some dogs, even a 70 degree day is too much for a run. They just don’t sweat like we do to relieve the heat. Anyway, I keep my eye out for that dog now.
Jen of a2eatwrite — I know you are swamped with the first week of school as well. I also hope that Outrage has been a help and not a hindrance to you this week.
Marian — Thanks, Marian. Some of the anger comes from a feeling of helplessness. I want to do something but don’t know what.
OMG! No! I would never marry a sexist a-hole who wouldn’t vote because a woman is running. No, he’s not voting because he doesn’t think anyone is qualified.
OMG That woman should have been drug by her hair. What’s sad is it wasn’t like something happened to her dog that she couldn’t prevent, she could have never taken the poor pouch out of the house for one. Idiot woman. I’m so glad you were there to take care of the poor guy.
thecoconutdiaries — Whew! I thought for a minute that love had made you take leave of your senses.
Curly Sue — People laughed when I took Pet First Aid. It was a one-day course and I was overwhelmed with info but I did remember pet CPR and treatment for heat stroke.
AMEN to every single damn word you wrote. I plan on a Palin attack myself. I am completely outraged myself. This is my next blog post. (when I finally have more than 5 minutes to myself that doesn’t consist of packing, work, or traveling). I can’t take it! I don’t care if you are Republican, Democrat, potato, or a garden hose- everything basic human right we have worked for for the last 100 years is about to be taken away! Don’t people see that!?!?!?! OMG I can’t get fired up about this now… but I will soon. And you will be given a link!!!!
GO DINGO
oh and good for you for unleashing on that stupid dog owner. what a stupid bitch. that poor dog. some people are so ignorant and i truly think you SHOULD have slapped her.
I love you, Outrage. I wish my outrage was as well-spoken as yours.
Your second last paragraph= something every person should read. Seriously.
MsCatalysta — I am looking forward to reading your post about this issue! I’m also looking forward to seeing pics of all the decorating you are doing on your new home.
April — Your Outrage is quite eloquent. And better dressed.
brandy — Thanks, Brandy. Every time I hear of someone who stands to lose a great deal from the McSame/Palin ticket (women, gays, minorities) say that they are going to vote for them, I just want to shake them!
Great job saving the pooch! Is that something cops could respond to, or would you just report his license number to the animal control folks?
Funny how stress causes us to watch more television. Nothing like mindless oblivion to calm our jangled nerves.
Why are all my favorite bloggers so freaking far away! I want a group hug, and drinks all around. I want evenings of hilarity and fun talk.....I want to bash people and not feel guilty....I want to TAKE DOG CPR......
Mid Mo can be so boring.
Jenny — I wish the cops would do something about this but it’s not in their duties, I guess. I have put the animal cops on my cell’s speed dial though.
nancypearlwannabe — I know! There’s nothing like ANTM to take your mind off of things that matter.
Shelly — Girl! It’s up to you to shake things up! Get out there and do stuff to make people talk about you!
You go girl! Outrage is a girl after my own heart. I’m surprised the Outrage didn’t bitch slap that moron. I hope the dog is okay.
Tara R. — I barely restrained Outrage but figured my going to jail for assault would leave Outrage to just run rampant.
Oh, wow! So crazy about the dog. Good for you for stopping and doing the right thing.
Outrage is a persistent stone cold bitch with excellent points. I am glad she had induced YOU to speak for her as you did in both beautifully incendiary and hysterical ways. As for the dogs, it is too bad the poor things are too weak to bite the asses off their owners…
Zandria — Now, of course, I’ll always have to carry extra water just in case…
O’Mama — I also like Rachel’s idea to put the owner’s in fur coats and make them run. I’d run their asses like the Iditarod.
that doggy story really got me. some people are such asshats. good for you for letting outrage let her know what’s up.
Poor puppy! Yeah, like others say, good for you for helping the poor thing.
And for getting out running which the very thought of makes me sweat and hyperventialte.
brookem — Since I don’t run at the same time very day, I haven’t seen the owner or the dog. Then again, I may have made her give up running!
Ms Mac — Hi, Ms. Mac! Running makes me sweat and hyperventilate. But they say it’s good for you so I keep doing it.
hey, first time here to your blog.
i am a cat lover , however i have loved a lab in my life and sure do find alot of those canines cute. when i go for my walks (been awhile, yikes) it has been in the 90’s. i can only imaging how hard that is on a running dog - when i go walking there is a neighor dog (lab) that greets me and walks a good mile or so with me. i carry water and would share it in a heartbeat. so i keep an eye on him . what kind dumbas* doesnt even pay attention to their own running companion.
(shaking my head)
well, am going to contine reading now.
chow.