This Week’s Short List of People Who Piss Me Off
Why is everyone trying to piss me off this week? As if I didn’t have enough to do getting ready for the start of summer classes, I had to sit down and write some letters:
Dear fuckety-fuck-fucking-fuckheads at the Philadelphia Valley Swim Club,
You know, this flap over throwing the black kids from the local summer camp out of your pool is your own damn fault. Sure, you signed the agreement to have the kids from a local summer camp come to your pool. And yes, you took their $1900. But what you didn’t do, you sillies, is make sure all the kids were white!! And now, there’s an uproar because your club President expressed concern that allowing the children to swim with you would change the “complexion” of the club and some of your members feared that their children were not safe around the black kids. Thank you for demonstrating to the rose-colored glasses contingent that there’s no such thing as a post-racial America. Or maybe you didn’t read the post-racial memo with all those black letters blighting that pristine white page and whatnot. It’s more likely that you’re just dumbass motherfuckers who didn’t cut eyeholes in your sheets. Either way, fuck you with a burning cross.
Sincerely,
Dingo
Dear Obama,
I know you must be surprised to be on the short list of people who’ve pissed me off, but here you are. When you first took office I was ecstatic, giddy even, as I stood in Times Square with thousands of others watching the election results come in. We kissed friends, we kissed neighbors, and I may have even slipped some tongue to a gorgeous Swedish tourist. You, however, seem to have given those of us who voted for you the big kiss-off choosing to lock lips instead with Right Wing ass. At first, I didn’t view it as pandering as others did. “Oh, no,” I said. “He’s reaching across the aisle! He’s building bridges! Give him a chance!” And yes, I used a lot of exclamation points.
Well, Obama your building bridges has turned into a game of Chutes and Ladders. You’ve backtracked on repealing Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell, you’ve appointed radical Anti-Choice Activist Alexia Kelley to the Department of Health and Human Services, and your promises about closing Guantanamo Bay and actually upholding our Constitution and restoring our good name were as empty as Keira Knightly’s bra. In spite of the Michelle baby-bump speculation, I’m starting to think you’ve lost your balls. I voted for change and I voted for principles. Get your act together, POTUS, or my next letter to you will be short, sweet, and to the point: F.U.
Sincerely,
Dingo
Dear Annoying Parents in the Dog Run,
Do not yell at my dog. She doesn’t bite but I do. Dingo Girl had no interest in your big-headed offspring. She was playing at least eight feet way with her best doggy buddy when you decided that you weren’t taking up enough space with your stroller, diaper bag, wagon, and soccer ball and moved in our direction. Your baby was completely safe at all times since there was absolutely no way Dingo Girl would ever fit that ginormous Tweety-Pie head in her mouth. Believe me, your baby is safe, although you might want to consider forgetting about the college fund and think about setting aside a HUGE dowry. Maybe one about the size of your kid’s head. And oh, it’s a DOG RUN not a freakin’ playground! I’d tell you to get your head out of your asses but since it’s obvious where your little Jimmy Neutron got her noggin, I think you’re quite stuck. So, fuck you.
Sincerely,
Dingo Didn’t Eat Your Baby
Well, that’s it for now. I’m sure as this week goes on this list will get longer and longer. That’s just the sort of mood I’m in.
Posted on Monday, July 13, 2009 at 07:27 AM.
Tags: Dingo Girl, La Vida Loca
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Comments & Trackbacks
OOh yay, I feel the same way this morning too!! Plus? It’s my hub’s birthday and he’s about 1000 miles away, so I can’t celebrate with him.
Perhaps our weeks will get better? I mean, they have to, right? please? right?
Hey.....I agree. Especially about the baby .....dont’ you hate parents? I know I do.
Even though I am one. And, admittedly, I was one of THOSE parents when my kids were smaller. And, FURTHERMORE, I reserve the right to become ONE OF THEM again, should my kids need my personal intervention.....But still......don’t you hate parents?
Yes, yes and yes! on all accounts. On the flip side of the over cautious hover parents are the stupid ones. I had a mastiff, as in two hundred pound could definitely fit the tweety bird headed kid in his mouth mastiff. I come out of the store one day to see some idiot holding their wee little baby up to my mastiffs face! (he had his head out the truck window) Now I knew he wouldn’t hurt the baby, but THEY didn’t. Thankfully, he just slimed it.
I love kids. Hate their parents. Did you mention that kids should be on leashes while in the dog park?
Put your clothes back on, drop the rifle and come off of the roof....
(Also...be careful. This post is 33% political sounding...watch out!)
Whew! I didn’t make the list. But it saddens me that Obama did. I mean, I obviously feel the same way, but I didn’t want it to be put down in writing.....yet.
For the others, well, they’re just the jackasses that we live with day to day. I think you should TEACH Dingo Girl to bite the heads off of offspring (trying to see how many o-fs I could put in a row there) if they have big heads. You know those are only going to get bigger.......
As for the pool......I have no words....except Damn Stupid Asses!
I love reading fuck you letters. The one about the pool blew me away, living in Hawaii and being white actually puts me in the minority. I forget sometimes what the rest of the country can be like.
Daisee579 — Yes, they will get better. I predict we will both win the lottery this week. If not, I’ll write a letter to the lottery commission.
Shelly — And yes, THOSE parents drive me crazy but I’m sure that you were never one of them.
Shania — This wasn’t about being overcautious. It was about being stupid. To come to a dog run and yell at the dogs for playing? I didn’t even mention how the parents were throwing the ball around to the kid and then complained because the other dogs were running after it.
k8 — If only.
MTAE — Okay, okay, I’m off the roof. But only because I had to put on more sunscreen.
Jules — Of course you didn’t make the list! Obama is on this list only as a warning. It wasn’t a full Fuck You Letter, more like a summons.
Pseudo — My jaw dropped when I read the news article and when I saw the video it was even worse. The look in the childrens eyes was heartbreaking.
I love your little Casper the Ghost on the sign. Haha. I stole the link, hope that’s okay. That seriously ticks me off.
As for Obama, he’s a politician. End of story. He’s also a socialist, whether he admits it or not. And if you look at the policies coming out of D.C., it’s just a more blatant form of all the policies that have been pushed for the last decade. I don’t even have time to be upset over abortion (no, I’m not pro-choice, sorry) because I’m too busy wondering how we can afford to keep our house with five adults living in it. My brothers-in-law better start saving some of that weed money I know they’re spending even though they swear to their dad they have bills out the wah-zoo. Yeah. No. He’s a moron. Even in my dumbest years I wouldn’t have believed the stories he swallows.
Anyway..... sorry you had to meet some ignorant parents. Seems they’re everywhere. It’s funny, most of the people I hate to imagine raising kids are the first ones to shout things like, “You shouldn’t be allowed to raise kids!” As if they have a monopoly on figuring out parenting just because they read some books and watched a few Dr. Phil shows. Actually, that right there could be the root of their problem… Hmmmm.
My list includes very rude market salespeople, stupid HRM people who don’t get back to you about job applications and neighbours who only crank the music up when it’s way past midnight.
Oh and the Keira Knightly thing, that’s why I don’t do strapless. Small boobs are good but one should dress accordingly.
Good luck preparing for summer classes!
Dingo, you rock my socks off, every damn time I read.
And John Duesler, President of The Valley Swim Club, should be forced to shampoo the crotch of a rapid wolverine.
i agree with all of yours. WTF is a stroller doing in a dog park? That’s dumb. Obama, yes. I am a bit disappointed right now, too. Man up. And the pool thing is some crazy shit. I have a letter right now, too.
Dear Son Owen,
Stop fucking asking me to fold your goddamn blanket and go the fuck to sleep. If you don’t take a nap you will be a total asshole this afternoon and you will drive me to either spank your ass or drink an entire bottle of wine. Neither of these options are good as I don’t like spanking nor does baby want to be pulled over for drunk breastmilk driving. So seriously. Go. To. Sleep.
Love,
Mommy
I can’t get with you on the dog park assholes, but I’m standing right next to you on the other two. For all that I love Obama, I’ve been sorely disappointed....
The pool thing was beyond dumb. My fear there is that the news footage we saw out here showed lots of shots of the kids and their parents, and I hope that there isn’t any backlash. After all, the kids swimming in that pool didn’t make the decision. As for Obama, I think you may need to dash off a second letter to Congress, which has stymied a number of his plans.
One of the best photo-montages yet, btw. 
Usually it’s the damn kids that form tackle my dog and pull on his ears and I’m the parent going, “will you get your goddamn Tweety Bird headed child off my dog before he bites them for being stupid assholes?”
WTF? Why would you take your baby to a dog run? Take them to a GD playground and stop being a dumbass. As for the swim club debacle. What a bunch of bullshit!! Kids in general change the atmosphere of a pool. It doesn’t matter their color. They are loud, splashy, and ecstatic to be in water. I know this because I have three.
People are fucking with my nerves too. It must be in the air.
Loved that last letter. What is it they say about playing with the big dogs. Can you yell at parents if you take Dingo Girl to the playground?
I’m just guessing, but you didn’t give anyone the kindness card this week, now did you? H
I adore you.
Bloody funny comment over at mine Dingo, and it’s a deal....
Oh, I haven’t even watched the video. I don’t think I could handle it. The story alone made me a weepy, angry mess. Seriously? People seriously feel like it’s okay to act that way?
And really, who brings their baby to a dog park and then acts like the dogs are scary?
To cheer you up, did you see the Scientific American report about how profanity is good for you? There was also a report about coffee and hallucinations. I don’t know if that’s good or bad, but it doesn’t make me want to punch some guy from a country club in the face.
FreedomFirst — Of course it’s okay to use the link. The more people that know that crap like this still exists the better. People believe racism and all kinds of other -isms are so 90s and that this stuff doesn’t happen anymore. As for Obama *sigh* I just hope he can get back on track. But it does make me laugh when I hear people call him a socialist and then say that he hasn’t changed anything in the past decade—the Bush Years. Bush was definitely NOT a socialist.
Marjolein — I think Keira Knightly looked great in her dress but that was only on a second look. I think we’ve been so conditioned to expect and demand that women have boobs that at first it looked really odd to me. And then I recognized her beauty because it was real.
Veronica — I hope they record that on tape, too!
jane — You are probably three sheets to the wind right now. I know my nieces and nephew NEVER went to sleep when I desperately wanted them to and I couldn’t bring myself to spank them either.
Mrs. Chili — Let’s just hope that he’s lulling them into complacency and then is going to come out swinging!
GeekHiker — I don’t think there’s going to be any backlash. I just think people are going to get even more entrenched in their beliefs. I looked at a couple of online papers and the comments from some people (not necessarily members of the swim club) are appalling. I knew we still had a long way to go in regard to racism but I didn’t think that we were starting from the nineteenth century. Okay, off to write my letter to Congress.
Harna — I’ve done the doggy parenting thing as well with adults as well as children. I’ve had to tell more than one adult, “Please do not pull her tail.” Really? You have to tell an adult that? It’s no wonder the children treat animals they way that they do.
Summer — Your kids crack me up and I bet they are loads of fun at the pool.
Tara R. — There’s a playground that has a fountain and waterfall in it. Dingo Girl would love to go splash around in the water but I can’t seem to get her to keep her disguise on. She’s a cute dog but she makes an incredibly ugly baby girl.
hilary — Um, no. No kindness cards were distributed this week.
Kori — Mwah! Kisses to you, my friend.
Millennium Housewife — Woohoo! I’ll take him to the dog park but first I have to borrow a stroller.
Allie — I know profanity is good for you! I felt 100 times better after writing this post. I should be their case study. I have to find that study about coffee and hallucinogens. Oh, wait. You said “hallucinations.” Nevermind.
Ooooh, next time I’m calling you and we can bitch about all of these things! And more!
Lots of stuff to note on a slow summer week. From the weak-minded, to the hopefully not weak-willed, to the definitely weak community feeling parents. Ugh. Let’s hope Obama is not lost, just dipping before getting back on track.
I am glad Dingo Girl has better taste than to eat children who would undoubtedly just make her gassy.
I do think, though, that for giggles you should take her to a playground to poop. When someone complains tell them there were too many fkng strollers at the dog park!
1. So glad the bigots are in Pennsylvannia and not the south.
2. Michelle is preggers????
3. Humm...what would happen if you took Dingo Girl to the Baby Run?
1. I couldn’t believe it when I heard that story about what happened in philly
2. those mothers give me type mothers a bad name.
3. Yeah, I’m not thrilled with Mr. O right now either considering that wall street is back to paying itself high wages and the banks are still behaving so badly it’s ruining many people lives, lives that were already not doing so hot in the first place
Bush pushed an awful lot of socialistic agendas, for not being one. Just sayin’. So did a lot of his predecessors. I think really, the issue is just about selfish wads of crap sitting in office who think we’re all dumber than they are and therefore not worth taking into consideration. Socialist, capitalist, democrat, republican, it’s all the same in the end. They suck. JMO.
Well, they’re certainly to the point...! I think I write this kind of letter in my head all day!
“ginormous Tweety Pie head”. hahahahahhahahaha.
You’re my kinda letter writer babe.
I SO wish we lived closer....because I’m pretty sure we’d have a BLAST lining out all the crankypants jackasses we come across. As a connoisseur of profanity, I am utterly bedazzled by your conjugation of the f-word. I’m quite sure I’ve never heard it used quite so eloquently. Bravo.
Your letter to Tweety’s parental units? Left me IN STITCHES. Laugh-out-loud-wake-up-the-Freddy-STITCHES!!! “Trade the college fund for a dowry?!?!” That’s pure comic genius right there, baby!!
I’m so sorry for all the crap happening to you. I agree with most of it. Haha. Good going. Especially on the dog run bit.
Ok, not to rub it in but, I’m done with Summer School! I finished my six week run last thursday. I started the one week after spring semester so I got it over with quickly. It was a great Illustration class. I loved it!
Anyway, I’m back and posting again. That class and finals from Spring took all my attention away. But here I am! Yay!
Fuckity Fuck, now that’s what I’m talking about. lol
Wow. I didn’t realize people still kicked the blacks out of places. What a bunch of douchebags. Also, you could try “Sputnik” next time you see that little kid by him/herself. We weren’t as creative with our second child. We just called her “Big Head, Skinny Neck.” It worked fine, she’ll be in therapy soon enough.
justrun — Yes, we’ll make a party out of it!
Laura — I am hoping he gets back on track as well. Maybe he’s just playing nice right now.
MsDarkstar — If I thought I could get away with it you know I would do it.
HereInFranklin — We’d like to think we can confine racism to one geographical region so we can all feel good about ourselves. Admitting that it actually exists where we live means that we have to do something about it. And many people just can’t be bothered. No, Michelle isn’t preggers. I looked it up online this morning and apparently she told Oprah that she’s no pregnant. And I know it must be true because you don’t lie to Oprah.
FreedomFirst — If you are going by the actual, real definition of a socialist and not the definition that the Republicans made up as a derogatory way to address Obama’s policies, it doesn’t fit. Roger Colero was the Socialist Workers Party Candidate in 2008. He’s a REAL socialist. But, we agree about one thing, they are all politicians. We have to hold them accountable.
Reagan — Put it down on paper. It’ll make you feel good!
Ree — It really was this bulbous thing; narrow at the bottom, round at the top, a few sparse hairs sticking in the air.
Ms. H — People say that those who use profanity have a limited vocabulary. I say, fuck ‘em.
Kazuki — Okay, not to rub it in. I’m *teaching* the classes, not taking them. I think I got you beat.
Queen Lindasy — *takes a bow*
Shawna — Hey, Shawna. Sputnik! That’s definitely one I’ll have to use next time. That’s hilarious. I’m sure your daughters head wasn’t a big as the kid’s in the dog run. But, if it is, maybe you should forget about college and set a jar out for BHSN’s therapy? Just a helpful suggestion.
Thanks, I’ll keep that in mind.
wow, now i feel like i should read a newspaper or watch some CNN (if i ever get a tv). the moment obama got elected i tuned out again. maybe i oughta actually find out what’s been happening at the white house all these months.
as for the dog run - why would anyone want their kid in a dog run? isn’t that where all the dog piss and poop will be? the last thing i would want is my kid sucking on a dog turd.
Please oh please oh please take out all your pissed-offedness by biting someone at the dog park. And then write about it.
Wait, there’s Michell baby bump speculation?!? Where the hell have I been?
Yeah Obama - get a move on already.
Holy schnitzel on the pool disgrace. That’s just awful.
My father-in-law has an enormous head and was a Tweetyhead as a toddler. I was a bit apprehensive about mingling with those genetics, but since my Husband had a normal sized head, I took my chances. Both girls had a cranium in the 95th precentile. Ouchie!! Although, not as tweety as Granddad.
blakspring — Maybe people don’t mind their kids sucking on dog turds. It’s organic, after all.
Mel Heth — I’ll include that chapter in my jailhouse confessions because I’m sure I’d be locked up if I went around biting obnoxious kids and parents in the dog park. But what an appealing idea.
Kristina — Unfortunately, it’s turned out to be an unfounded rumor. If I can’t believe the Huffington Post these days, I might as well watch Fox News, ya’ know?!
Lyvvie — I’ve seen video of at least one of your girls. She did NOT have a big head. I come a big-head family as well. I’m a good judge of big heads.
OMG, I still can’t believe the story about the Pool...beyond disgusting. Just gross.
Jimmy Neutron...LMFAO....Nice! And I know what you mean - I have two dogs, and it annoys the heck out of me when people say stupid crap to or about them. I mean, seriously. Shut up.
Thanks for the laughs!
- AnnQ
AnnQ — Howdy! I think instead of getting irate, I’m going to say to them, “Seriously, shut up!” If that doesn’t work, then I’ll bite them. Thanks for reading.
I have nothing to say but “ditto.” Except about the dog run… because I don’t have a dog. Though it sounds totally annoying.
You DO write the best fuck you letters and these are prime examples of the stupidity and absurdity that needs underlining in big, flaming ways.
Obama is pissing me off, too and those twats up in Pennsylvania needs to be bused into the scariest (to them, anyway) bits of Philly and swim in THEIR pools.
You do a spectacular and hysterical crank, by the way…
OMG! I AM DYING! ROFL X 2398471209857!!!!!!
the letter to the swim club did it. I will forever more read your blog. I am in my office laughing outloud and coworkers are like,"Is she on drugs? she never smiles before noon???!?!?”
And the sign! You must be this white to swim!!! LOL Dying over here. Simply fucking dying. Highfives all around.
Sometimes reading your blog keeps me on the up and up with current events, so thank you.
I fully plan on dropping the kids off at the dog park when I go to work during the day. Have you investigated the prices of childcare? Outrageous. And I bet Dingo girl would do a better job raising my kids than some of the people those centers hire.
#1 - that was just appalling! I have Asian heritage and although I am not black I still am a part of the minorities. The saddest part about this is that these are kids!!!!
#2 - no comment - after my portfolio became almost obsolete, i am keeping my mouth shut.
#3 - dog park obviously is for dogs and their owners! WTH is a baby in stroller doing there?
Aaahh don’t you feel better now?
Totally with ya on all acounts. What the hell is up with people this month? Must be something in the air cause there’s a couple of fuckheads runining my post mini-vacation high also. Here’s to a better rest of week and a weekend filled with margaritas.
sorrin rose — You should get a dog! A shelter dog. And make sure big-headed children do not come near it.
O’Mama — If all of us sent these people similar fuck you letters, the world would be a better place. For right now, I’m just going to post them here on my blog for the offenders to read at their leisure.
Courtlynn — A day when my blog can do to make your co-workers think you are a loon is a good day indeed.
Hillary — When you drop your kids off at the dog park, don’t forget to tie a big juicy steak around their necks. Try to make the steak bigger than your babies heads so we don’t have any unfortunate accidents.
freeteyme — Everyone should be pissed off at what occurred at the pool and we should all realize that we still have a long way to go as a country when dealing with racism.
Toe — Girl, a weekend filled with margaritas might be just what I need!
Aw, I can’t get my own dog, my cat would never forgive me. But my parents have a pup (and yes, shelter pup) so I get my fix Incidentally, they also have a miserable time at the dog park and have had to stop going. Very sad for everyone.
I’m right there with ya! I could hardly believe the swimming pool incident and I’m getting a little concerned about Obama as well. And how dare anyone yell at Dingo Girl!
do you think Pat Buchanan runs the pool? also i tried to pet a dog at the Union Sq dog run and the owner yelled at me
I’m sure the Mystic Tan people will be all aghast knowing that dark skin is can be “caught” from swimming in pool water. Ugh! I bet those Philly people are the same ones telling kids they can get AIDS from lollipops and toilet seats. I weep for our future…
sorrin rose — I usually take her to Central Park off-leash hours because of incidents at the dog runs. People are crazy.
Jules — I tried to use my Obama “shut the fuck up” face on the parents but since I was mad at him at the time I don’t think I channeled him very well.
distributorcap — Hi! Thanks for stopping by. I think Pat Buchanan probably sent the pool a medal. The owner yelled at you? That’s weird. I have to admit, there are some odd pet owners out there. I may have to post about some of them.
thecoconutdiaries — Everyone knows you can’t get AIDS from lollipops and toilet seats. You get it from licking envelopes and touching door handles.
you would love our collaboration blog: Project: ARWP. we cite transgressions of people who are not on the internet all the time. 
I’m so delayed in reading your blog...shame on me. But I adore your letters...especially the one to the fuckety fucks at Pennsylvania Swim Club. When I first heard that story, I nearly shit a brick. Ass holes. Karma is a bitch. I hope one of the member kids has massive diarrhea in the pool and all of them go home with a horrible case of E. Coli. Ok, that was mean...but they kinda deserve it.
Dear Dingo~
Thank you for voicing what we’ve been feeling about POTUS. Don’t forget, escalating the war in Afghanistan. What’s up with that???
Here’s another letter to persons who pissed us off here in Maine a couple of weeks ago:
Dear Cidiots,
You come up here to Maine in droves from NY, Philly, DC, and Boston to see and be in Nature. Kewl! But when a park ranger tells you to get off the beach, get off the rocks, get away from the shore because we’ve just had a hurricane and the rogue waves are going to sweep you out to sea.....BELIEVE HIM AND GET YOUR CHILDREN THE FUCK OFF THE ROCKS! Standing on the rocks nearby is NOT going to save your child as they are swept out to sea. You will NOT be able to jump in after them and come back alive. You will NOT be able to withstand the strong current nor the 50 degree water.
-------------
Wow! That felt good! Thanks for the great blog!!!!
Katy
http://fengshuibyfishgirl.com